The Vibe Chart: Collapsing, Posturing and Composure

One day, I plan to write an eBook called Vibe: The Hidden Mechanics of Why People Buy.

It would center around the content in this blog post and the message that is present in these two quotes:

“We have each had the experience of others reacting to us; often there seems to be no logic to it. But in fact, people do pick up on our subtle energy, and even if they can’t see it or put it into words, they feel it and, subliminally, they know. They vote yes, no or maybe according to the qualities and strength of the energy we project.”
Stuart Wilde

“The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency you have.”
Jim Carey

I think that this notion of ‘vibe’ has been the unacknowledged golden thread of all my marketing work.

A good vibe can make your business. A bad vibe can ruin it. A mediocre vibe? Well… that won’t do anything to set you apart.  

One of the things I teach in my daylong Marketing for Hippies 101 workshop that resonates most with people is when I talk about Posturing, Collapsing and Composure.

I first wrote about it in 2011 in this blog post

Over the years, I’ve made notes of other ways of speaking about this and had it in mind to create a master table of all these different wordings and renderings of the same dynamic.

Below is a selection of the video from that day-long workshop where I speak about this and, below that, the chart that I finally sat down and made tonight.

I hope it helps bring some clarity to one of the most fundamental places people get stuck in their marketing.

The Vibe Chart




Lack of ConfidenceOver ConfidenceComfort in your own skin
Make yourself small – don’t want to take up space.Make yourself big – take up more space than you need.You sized. Take up the space you need.
Lose/WinWin/LoseWin/Win or No Deal
Agenda to get love and be likedAgenda to be valued and respectedMoving from self love and self respect
Under chargingOver chargingResonant price
High school nerdDonald Trump, Rush LimbaughDalai Lama, Oprah, that chill dude you know.
Growing feeling of resentmentFear of being discovered as a fraudDeep inner peace
Hard time saying ‘no’Saying ‘no’ with an edge to itEasy time saying ‘no’ if it’s not a fit
Feel inferiorFeels superiorSees people as equals
Under sellingOver sellingSharing
Under dressedOver dressedComfortably stylish
Self pitySelf ImportanceSelf Acceptance
Walks into a room and asks, ‘do these people like me?’Walks into a room and asks, ‘do I like these people?’Composure just enjoys who it enjoys
Neediness: “I can’t live without you.”Aloofness: “I don’t need anyone!”Comfortable with their neediness and takes responsibility for it.
“I’m sorry!”“Uhm. Excuse me?!”“Thank you.”
I’m not valuable.I’m so valuable.Life is precious.
Pushing rankPulling rankNatural authority
All heartAll spineFull bodied and Soft Bellied
All flexibilityAll strengthStrong & flexible
Dumping & Over sharing: “Life is so hard!”Under sharing: “Whatever. I’m fine.”Sharing
In the pastIn the futurePresent
Speaking to themselvesSpeaking over othersConnecting with people
Self hatredSelf GlorificationA sense of wonder and curiosity
Every sentence ends in a question mark?Every sentence ends with an exclamation mark!Sentences end with periods.
The soil of your life is too wetThe soil of your life is too dry. Rich humous.
One downOne upEqual Level
FrumpyFashionistaFine Clothing Beautifully Worn
Constantly apologizingNever apologizesExpresses remorse for impact when needed.
Love must flow from me.Love must flow to me.Love sure is needed in this world.
“You probably wouldn’t be interested in what I have to offer…:“You’re going to love what I have to offer!”“I have something to offer. I don’t know if this will be a fit for you. May I share it?”
HidingGrand StandingStanding
LoserDouchebagChill Person
Want to feel neededWant to feel importantLets others know they matter
ShrinkingPuffing UpStanding on sacred ground
NiceAssholeGood and Whole
I’m worseI’m betterI’m okay. You’re okay.
Under-reactive Nervous SystemOver-reactive Nervous SystemResponsive & Regulated Nervous System
I’m so hurt! What the fuck?I give zero fucks.Appropriate amount of fucks given
Just taking the beatingDefensive when not even attackedSelf respecting but not reactive
The wounded puppyThe crazy bitey dogChill Dog
Leaning out hardLeaning in hardUpright






I’m not alright.I’m so alright! (And always right)

Alright Alright Alright

And below are two more videos I thought might help dimensionalize and contextualize all of this theory in something practical. 

Check out the full blog archive for all the blogs I’ve got on Vibe Marketing

To watch videos on Vibe Marketing, check out these playlists

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