What is your real goal when selling?
What would be a ‘bullseye’ for you?
One of the biggest challenges that people have when trying to shift their relationship to selling is the fear that, “If I let go of the sales focus and instead focus just on serving my client, then they may take advantage of me.”
And, actually, there is some real justification to that concern. I know many people who allow themselves to be taken advantage of; but, that’s NOT what I’m suggesting you do.
I would suggest that there are really three places you can put your focus:
1) On the sale - From this focus you create pressure which leads to rejection and pain for both parties. It dehumanizes the process. You might make sales but it feels wrong. You don’t respect them. You are putting an obligation on them.
2) On your prospective client liking you – You give away the store. You are taken advantage of. This is also a dehumazing process. It’s the flip side of focusing on the sale. You make sales, but not much profit. You don’t respect yourself. You are obligating yourself.
Notice which of those options you tend to choose . . .
This sense of polarity is actually very common. At one extreme you’re so service-oriented that your taken advantage of. If you shift to the other extreme, you are as aggressive as possible to protect yourself. It’s like protection mechanism. Either way, you’re afraid that you’ll be taken advantage of. Either way, you’re coming from fear. Either way, you’re being reactive. Either way, someone loses.
“When you win, you lose.” – St. Francis of Assisi
Clearly, neither of these are particularly appealing. So, what can you do?
Most people think of selling as one of these two extremes. And they don’t feel comfortable with either one. So, they go for something in the middle.
But, that often means they manipulate and push people a little less and give away a little less of their margin.
In the compromise scenario: 1+1 = 1.5
There’s no synergy. That’s why the circle is smaller.
And it doesn’t feel good. That’s why it’s black and hanging down lower – it’s heavy. It’s the worst of both worlds.
What I’m suggesting is not some tepid middle ground that leaves both parties only vaguely satisfied and slightly resentful.
I’m suggesting there’s actually a higher road to take. I’m suggesting there’s another way that is greater than a compromise of the two polarities.
It’s a focus on the truth.
Focusing On The Truth Of The Other Person’s Situation (And Yours While We’re At It):
When you focus on the truth something wonderful happens: everyone wins.
There’s synergy. Instead of being stuck in between two unappealing options – this shines above them both like the sun warming both you and the person you’re connecting with.
In this scenario 1+1 = can be more than two because of the synergy. It’s not logical but it’s the reality what collaboration does. You’ve probably experienced the power of cooperation. The whole, somehow, ends up being greater than the sum of its parts.
In order to take this higher road, you need to let go of your attachment to either extreme. You must let go of your need for the sale and your need for them to like you. You might get the sale – you might not. Let go of the need for friendship. If you don’t become friends at least you were human with each other.
When you focus on the truth instead of trying to “close the sale” you “open a conversation.” Instead of putting the weight of obligation on their shoulders you share and explore opportunities. It feels more natural.
“Being overly concerned with the reward will never enhance the outcome of our work, but instead will interfere with your performance. When Archer’s eyes on the prize rather than the bull’s-eye, he surely will miss the bull’s-eye as well as the prize.” — Chin-Ning Chu
Playing “The Game” creates compromise.
Having a Conversation produces cooperation. It’s not a compromise in the middle. It’s a higher ground to stand on. It’s a higher road to take. It rises you above the game. It positions you far above the competition.
This is win/win or no deal. It gives you a new found freedom to simply walk away if the truth is that you can’t help them.
You really won’t be taken advantage of – that would be lose/win. You’ll tell the truth about your capacity. If you can’t solve their problem you’ll tell them so. Imagine that. Your experience is part of the truth of the situation.
You’re not giving anything away for free (unless your truth is that you want to).
So, to summarize: There are really two aspects of the truth in any selling situation. And it’s important that you put them in the right order — especially in the first few minutes of your conversation:
1) First, focus on the truth about their situation. Always lead with this. That is the gracious (and effective) thing to do. Always lead with a focus on their problems and their worlds in their language. Do they have a problem? Do they want to solve it? The more you can shift away from any notion of greed, selfishness or neediness and focus totally on the truth about the other person’s situation, the more successful you will be. Then, if the truth of your situation is that you can’t help them – if it’s not a match – you easily let it go. If it seems that it is a match then you explore that by…
2) Secondly sharing the truth about your situation. Your situation includes the problems you can solve for them, your capacity, what you can’t do, etc.
Remember: see first to understand and then to be understood.
In practice, it’s not quite so straightforward. It’s not like ladder or a set of stairs that you follow in a linear progression. The conversation is going to be more like a spiral always circling inwards until it reaches the center — the truth. The problem with most sales training is that it doesn’t understand the actual dynamics of conversation. It’s going to be more of a back and forth.
Having said that, again, always lead with the truth about their situation.
And, the truth is, it often won’t be a match. But, that’s a good thing. The sooner you know the truth about the situation — the sooner you can move on to somebody else , who you might be able to help.
Kenny Rogers summed it up perfectly in his song ‘The Gambler’ when he sang: “You’ve got two know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.”
If we’re to focus on people liking us, we tend to think that the solution is to just “back off”. But, it’s important to notice where that comes from — it comes from the fear of pressuring people.
But, shouldn’t you be afraid of pressuring people? No.
You probably need more fear and stress in your life like need another hole in your head. So, here’s an interesting set of distinctions for you to sit with
“Fear of Pressure” Versus “Awareness of Pressure”: The fear of pressure will immobilize you and make you feel powerless. It will cause you to become tense and stressed out in sales situations. That will make you less human and harder to connect with. It will also stop you from being present , because you’ll be entirely focused on what you don’t want. An awareness of pressure is simply that — it’s noticing it. It’s being conscious of what creates it and how to diffuse it when it comes up. It’s the acknowledgement that pressure is inherently going to be there. In fact, in some cases, there’s really nothing you can do about it being there when you show up — but if you have and awareness of it, you can address it head-on.
“Fear of Pressure” Versus “An Interest in the Truth”: A fear of pressure might stop you from asking important questions. A gentle interest in the truth of will cause people to feel heard, respected and keep you focused on what you want — not what you don’t want.
Three Presuppositions Will Help You With Your Focus On The Truth:
1. The truth is always present: We are often confused about how we lost a sale right at the end of the process. We are shocked and hurt when we discover our prospects have been lying to us or using us to ‘get information’. It seems this new information showed up all of a sudden at the end. But, in reality, that information was there all along.
This seems obvious.
But if it was there all long – why can’t we see it? Why do we keep getting surprised by something that was already there? Because it was hidden behind a very thin, but impenetrable veil known as “The Game”. And this Game is the source of virtually all your pain in selling. The Game operates by hovering one level above the truth. You may not be able to see it — but it’s there. You will never see it while you are in The Game.
It’s like the movie The Matrix. While you’re in The Matrix – you can’t see the real world. The Matrix seems so real. It’s so convincing. You’d think you were getting real information.
So, what starts this Game? And, more importantly, how do you get out of it?
2. Pressure starts The Game: The Game starts the second that the other person perceives or experiences pressure being applied. And they will experience pressure in the same instant you decide to focus on “the sale”. You end this Game by:
- A focus on the truth.
- Becoming aware of your own pressuring behavior.
- Practicing the art of constantly diffusing pressure.
- Trusting your intuition on whether they are speaking the truth or not.
3. The truth is enough: This is an important distinction. The truth is all you need. In fact, the truth is all you’ve got in the end. It’s the only thing that’s real in your conversation. Everything else is pretense or defense. If you decide to play The Game you lose sales, get rejected and sometimes feel miserable. You waste time chasing people.
You don’t need fancy closing techniques. You really don’t.
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