Marketing, Safety and Men & Women

Here’s a provocative and controversial blog post about marketing through the lense of man meeting a woman.

 

For me, it’s actually not a big stretch because I think marketing is all about building relationships.

Imagine, for a moment, that you’re a man. You’re walking down the street and you see a woman who lifts your heart and viscerally impacts you. She is sitting at a park bench, alone, finishing up her lunch.

And in a moment, she’ll be gone – maybe forever.

Imagine you’re that man.

You see her and immediately want to approach her.

But so many fears come up: ‘She’s probably busy. I don’t want to seem creepy. I bet she has a boyfriend. She wouldn’t be interested in someone like me. I didn’t shave today! I smell bad. I’ve been rejected before. It’s not polite to approach. I don’t want to be an oppressive male! I’m an ally to women and I’ll support her as an ally by giving her space.’ etc.

So he doesn’t approach. She gets up and leaves. He actually feels relieved.

This same dynamic replays itself in so many areas of our lives. We see someone who could be a client but we never introduce ourselves.

And it’s understandable.

It’s a ‘cold approach’. Which I generally advise against in my whole theory of Hub Marketing. But sometimes it’s all you’ve got to work with. Sometimes it’s a ‘cold approach’ or nothing. And many beautiful relationships start with two strangers saying ‘hello’.

As you read this, I invite you to think about how this relates to your sales and marketing. And the all important notion of creating safety in your marketing.

It’s got more to do with it than you might think.

Adam and his wife Amanda

The Direct Approach
– by Adam Lyons
This email is about an area of much confusion, yet an area of much significance.  Going Direct.

 

What sets the really successful people apart from those that just fluff their way through relationships is the art of being direct. There are many myths and a lot of nonsense surrounding the direct approach. You may want to print out and keep this email – because in my continuing efforts to help you improve your love life – I am about to share the essentials of going direct that you really should know.

I would be surprised if the contents of this email did not translate to a significant difference to your dating life over the next year – if you apply all the principles we are going to cover. (By the way, if you’re totally new to the subject of going direct it simply refers to the art of stating your intentions truthfully to someone, no matter what they are and dealing with the results.)

First, lets dispel some of the myths about going direct. My favourite myth is ‘the direct approach doesn’t work.’ This ingenious conclusion is arrived at by the fact that you and I know that most people brush off direct approaches from random strangers all the time.

The truth is that whilst a high proportion may walk away from a complete random stranger a good proportion will at least listen to what you initially say. If you have enough qualities of attraction right from the start then the confidence you show by approaching someone directly can often be enough to swing things into your favour, at least to the point that you will have their attention.

Now at this I can hear a number of people thinking to themselves, (girls esspecially) that they would come across as “easy.” However, that isn’t necessarily the case. It’s all based on what you say when you do approach someone.

When done correctly there is almost nothing as beautiful as telling someone exactly what you think about them and having them return that thought with a positive response, as essentially you have just given them a massive compliment.

Though it is important to understand what it is ok to compliment on. Compliments are covered quite extensively in the Personal Study Course so I won’t go over them again here. However, it is important to understand that a compliment should only ever be given on something that is earned. i.e. something someone has taken time over acheiving, and not something they are graced with naturally.

 

After alot of experimentation I’ve found something that I find works particulalry well.  Feel free to change it or come up with your own, as it’s often better to tailor phrases to your own style. Remember, it is important to understand what each of the phrases represents, and why they’re included.

Hey, I’m so sorry to bother you.  I’m on my way to meet a few friends but you look really interesting. On top of that, you have a pretty friendly face for someone in the city, so I knew I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t take the time to say hi . . . So, hi, I’m Adam

Now there’s a lot in that.

lets break it down piece by piece;

“Hey, I’m so sorry to bother you, – Being polite is important, it starts things off on a good foot without being rude, and also gives them a reason to pause and listen further. Who knows, maybe you’re lost and seeking directions.

I’m on my way to meet a few friends – This does two things. Mentioning friends shows that you’re a sociable person, so therefore are unlikely to be too weird, at least not so weird that you don’t have friends.  Secondly, it drags out the conversation a little bit more, to ensure they’re standing still ready for the rest.

but, – If used with a pause it creates anticipation, as the word “but” removes the meaning behind everything spoken previously. It says you actually aren’t sorry for approaching and did approach them on purpose.

you look really interesting – Here we have an ambiguous compliment. It is nothing to get too big headed about, and in fact is more likely to generate a lot of questions from them as they wonder what exactly is interesting about them. We all love to hear about ourselves.

On top of that have a pretty friendly face for someone in the city -This really is powerful.  Who could possibly resist being nice to someone who told them they looked friendly? It’s very rare for us not to live up to positive statements made with reference to us. So if nothing else, they are likely to respond positively to you.

so I knew I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t take the time to say hi.
– This gives a justification for the whole interaction and explains why you actually did the approach.  Otherwise it is almost guaranteed that the first response would be them asking why you’re talking to them.

So, hi, I’m Adam”
– This gets things going for the rest of the interaction.

Going direct is an art and science in itself – and you may want to practice many different ways of doing it. There are some fundamentals which you will want to follow. Here are four of them to keep you going:

1) Remember to have as many qualities of attraction as possible. If you aren’t congruent with an attractive person, then it won’t work as well. Imagine being approached by someone lacking confidence. It just wouldn’t inspire you to talk to them.

 

2) Don’t be afraid to keep going after a failed approach, this is essentially a numbers game until you get comfortable with it. Remember it’s only weird if you genuinely try and date everyone you meet. There is nothing wrong with meeting new people as friends. Re-read the phrase above, you’ll see it works just as well as a tool to meet new people.

3) Always smile- it will significantly increase the positive response rate.

4) Make sure you follow up the initial meeting with a text instantly! It will capture the moment and make it last a lot longer, it will have a greater impact this way.

For more advice on attraction including how to continue the interaction after the initial approach, check out the Personal Study Course.

Have fun!

Adam Lyons

So, please leave your comments below – what do you think? If you’re a woman – would you prefer a man be direct and honest in his approach over using some other excuse to talk with you? And how does this relate to marketing your own business – or other marketing you’ve experienced.

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About Tad

  • Karen

    Were I not a taken woman, I’d prefer a direct approach by man/woman/person outside the gender binary, especially if it was humourous and respectful. It worked for The Other Half all those years ago!

  • such an epic question…and I believe what made this song so popular… ;)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJYSu2OVCGM

  • Heather. ha! i love it.

  • Alright, I keep thinking about your question, Tad. I still stand by that video but…

    Here’s a more heart-felt response. When a man approaches me (who I don’t know) I think it really depends. It has a lot to do with where he’s coming from and what state of mind I am in. I have experienced all of the following…

    1. feeling uncomfortable (sometimes it even feels dangerous)
    2. feeling interrupted and then weighing the pros and cons of what’s being presented
    3. feeling uplifted and completely having my day shifted because of it.

    And the best I can say about the difference is that #3 is a man who is standing in his truth and honorable intentions and it’s something we can feel in our bones when we are in the presence of it.

    I’m not going to try to tie this into marketing. I leave that up to you.