I’d love to get your honest feedback on some work I just did for a client.

Some backstory . . .

So, I’m on the board of a super cool organization in Edmonton called Live Local. It’s all about helping make it easier for Edmontonians to get what they need locally – rather than having it shipped from around the world.

The women that runs it used to work for some of the largest restaurant chains in the city (KFC, Taco Bell, Starbucks and a few others). I’m glad she’s on our side now. Not only does she run Live Local but she also runs a beautiful local restaurant called The Blue Pear.

I’m also the co-founder and c0-director of Edmontonians Supporting a Green Economy. We have a newsletter that comes out twice a month – basically an events listing of everything cool happening in the green and local scene. People really love it.

But, every once in a while, there’s a project so cool that I feel like everybody HAS to know about it.

One of those is a project of Live Local: The Good Food Box.

I wanted to send an email to the e-sage list (over 2,000 locals) focused 100% on the Good Food Box. So, I asked them to send me some words to send out. But what they sent me felt like it wasn’t a fit. Too many big words and too much jargon – all about them and not about what I’m getting as a client.

If you want to download my nine page makeover of the piece they sent me . . .

CLICK HERE

When you read it you’re going to:

• see the before/after of what they sent me vs. what I did with that.

• understand the ‘behind the scenes‘ inner workings of my mind on why I made some of the changes that I did

• see some brutal honesty from me about what didn’t work in what they sent me

• read an example of a sales letter that is – I think – at least ten times better than what they sent me

• learn the #1, uber predictable phrase that everyone puts on the top of their sales materials that doesn’t work at all (and what you should do instead)

• really ‘get’ the importance of making things super simple for your clients and people who are ‘checking you out’.

So, here’s where I could use your support . . .

Of course, your appreciations are welcome but . . . I’d love to get your thoughts and help in making this even better: would you have done anything differently? What’s not clear yet? Any tweaks? Any examples from your community?

 

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