slow marketing

slow food snail logo 300x279 slow marketingI’m in Vancouver sitting at yet another favourite hang out spot here – Eternal Abundance (full of raw vegan goodness, comfy chairs, high ceilings and lots of natural light). I love places like this.

I just finished my weekend workshop in Vancouver (and Victoria the weekend before that). You can see photos here.

And something clicked for me this weekend. I’m calling it ‘Slow Marketing’. You’ve likely heard about the Slow Food movement (from which I borrow this colourful snail) and Carol Honore’s book In Praise of Slow.

And, for some reason, I’d never considered how that might apply to marketing.

But, over the weekend, I was sharing how marketing is like baseball and that we can’t ‘skip bases’ in building our relationships with people. First there needs to be clarity, then trust, then some excitement . . . and then a commitment. It can take time to build relationships with our clients. Some things can’t be rushed.

And one woman expressed her thanks, ‘I’d never considered that before.’  Something about knowing that it was okay to go slow felt confirming of her best instincts and affirming that she hadn’t failed just because she’d not gotten immediate results.

Most marketing we see is so fast.

Lynn Serafinn wrote a beautiful book called The Seven Graces of Marketing where she contrasts the common place sins of marketing with the potential graces of marketing. One of the sins she talks about is scarcity. And so much marketing is based on creating a sense of scarcity, ‘act now while supplies last’. We see seminars full of people rushing to the back of the room to sign up for a next level workshop they don’t fully understand and can’t entirely afford (and that may or may not be a fit).

So much rushing.

And it seems to work. But what you don’t end up seeing is the huge numbers of people who get ‘buyers remorse’ and cancel their participation in the programs. Or go to it and then ask for a refund because it wasn’t a fit (and then become extremely bitter when they can’t get a refund). What we sometimes fail to notice is the cynicism these tactics create in the marketplace. And the low level panic we all live in.

I remember when I first started in sales, it certainly wasn’t something I knew. I was cold calling people and trying to pressure them into making decisions. It was all I knew how to do. I thought you had to do that. Of course, it was all under the auspices of empowering them. But pressure is pressure. And it was all so fast moving. It wasn’t until years later that I began to learn that by slowing my marketing down it worked better.

It’s like irrigating a field, the slower you drip in the water the deeper it goes.

But so much marketing is so fast. It’s ‘buy now’ and ‘closing people’ and ‘converting prospects’ and creating ‘irresistible offers’. It’s ‘double your income in 30 days’ and ‘lose 50 pounds overnight!’

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people express shock that I’ve not written a book yet or developed more ‘advanced level’ seminars. But I knew I wasn’t ready yet – I was still cooking. I knew I was still figuring out what I wanted to say. And I knew that, eventually, something would click and I’d be ready and that things would flow fast.

I remember being told about the Chinese bamboo tree. You plant it and you don’t see anything grow for five years. Even though you’re doing everything right. And then, in the 5th year, it grows ninety feet in ninety days. Some of us are like that.

It’s the hare, not the tortoise.

Martin Luther (the founder of Lutheranism) used to meet with important people and had an aide who would help him organize these things. One day, his aide looked in awe at the number of important meetings and things he had to do and said to Martin Luther, “Tomorrow is so busy that I suppose you will only be able to spend half an hour in meditation instead of your usual hour.” And Luther responded, “No. Tomorrow is so important I will spend two hours in meditation.”

The higher the stakes feel, the more tempting it is to move fast . . . and the more important it is to slow things down.

Panic is not a business strategy.

What would happen if we all. slowed. down. our marketing?

Here’s what Slow Marketing means for me . . .

To me this means that even figuring out our core platform and finding our voice takes time. It’s like making tea and sometimes we just need to steep for a while in figuring out what we’re all about.

It means that we can accept that sometimes it will take a while to build trust with people we’ve just met.

It means that instead of pressuring people to buy right now, we encourage them to sleep on it and sit with it to make sure it’s really a fit (so that any clients we get are solid and long term).

It means that when we sit with a client to explore going to the next level with us – we really sit with them. We take them in. We receive what they have to say. We pause before responding.

And that means that we really take time to sit with what kinds of clients are actually a perfect fit for us.

It means we remember that, in terms of relationships with clients, forever matters more than today.

It means that we’re okay being an apprentice for a time. We’re okay learning the ropes and not needing to be ‘discovered’ and famous tomorrow.

It means that we don’t rush to write our book, create our products but slow down a bit so we can focus on crafting what we do to make it even better so that it really helps people more. We work on building our boat instead of trying to swim people from one island to another on our back. We build up the systems and checklists in our business that help us relax and know that we’ll be prepared for things as they come.

It means we don’t just accept that we sometimes need to slow down, but that we enjoy it. We relish in it.

It means it might be okay (even wonderful!) for us to have a day job while we build our business up.

It means that we acknowledge and honour each potential client’s unique right timing to work with us (or not).

It means we slow ourselves down, get still inside and let go of the panic that comes from posturing or collapsing. That we create space in our lives where we can and listen to our intuition.

It means we let emails to our list sit overnight instead of sending them out immediately.

It means we run our marketing ideas by friends and colleagues before trotting them out to the market place. We let things sit.

It means we plan further ahead to give ourselves time.

It means that we get really good at finding ways to make our business safe to approach for people and easy to buy from us. We give them lots of ways to sample what we do for free, from a distance. We do what we can to reduce the risk for people.

It means we slow down our conversations with potential clients and really listen. Instead of pushing, we lean back. Instead of starting to give advice, we get more curious about their situation. Instead of skipping over a challenge, we go deeply into exploring it.

It means that we focus on building and deepening our relationship to key hubs and community leaders instead of trying to reach our clients cold.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on what ‘Slow Marketing’ means for you. You can write them in the comments below. But no rush.

marketing is like making tea

tea1 269x300 marketing is like making teaMarketing is a lot like making tea.

We need to ‘steep’.

I just finished a marketing weekend in Edmonton with the loveliest bunch of people. And it kept coming up for me that there are some things that just can’t (or shouldn’t) be rushed. Creating your platform or figuring out who’s a perfect fit for you doesn’t happen over night.

Tea isn’t like instant coffee. It take a little bit for the intensity of the heat to release the flavours. It would be foolish to pour a cup of hot water and then dunk the bag in for two seconds and pull it out and expect to have the perfect cup of tea.

It’s the same with business.

Sometimes the water gets hot and we get frustrated with not having everything totally clear. But if you can relax and let the heat and intensity in a bit, it might just draw out our your deepest, inner flavours that could infuse the water of your business and make everything more delicious.

If you can let yourself sit in the fire of not knowing, sit with the right questions, give your marketing some time, attention and focus (heat) and then keep sitting with it . . . it can be amazing what comes.

I’ve seen so many workshop participants who beat themselves up for not knowing their niche, not knowing what they’re doing. So much hard work and effort. And, often what’s needed is a little less yang and a bit more yin. A little less speed in the dipping the tea bags in. A bit more patience and slowness. Doing less but doing it better. And not just always doing doing doing but also time spent in reflecting and wondering. Sometimes our minds get like a know and the harder we pull on it the tighter the knots get. Sometimes it’s only in relaxing that the know can unwind.

And, when we take the time to steep we have something wonderful to offer the world. When we reflect, our actions become more effective. When we rest inside of our own skin, we become more comfortable there and then our marketing becomes more authentic. And people who are a perfect fit are drawn in.

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence to which the idealist …most easily succumbs: activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence.

To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence.

The frenzy of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.

– Thomas Merton
Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander, Doubleday, 1966, p 73

Steep yourself until you feel done and then take yourself out for a while. Enjoy the tea. Enjoy the fruits of your labours. It will inspire you to make another cup tomorrow.

Eight Ways you can steep:

  • get out of commitments: the place to start is to notice what’s preventing you from steeping in the first place. It’s often because we’re over committed. We’re doing too many things. And we’re exhausted. Most of this either comes from collapsing or posturing. Sometimes, before we can delve into our inner work we need to create a bit more outer space in our lives and schedules. Practice saying, ‘no’ and enjoying it.
  • journal: ask yourself the right questions. Reflect through writing on what’s next for you. Make this a regular practice. You’re brilliant. You might shock yourself with your own ideas.
  • meditate: sit with your relationship to your business. What feels good? What doesn’t feel good? Make notes of what emerges. You are wise. You might shock yourself with how clear your guidance is if you really listen to it.
  • hire a coach: coaches know the right question to ask. Sessions with a coach are like little mini steeping sessions where you shut out the world and just steep and reflect inwardly.
  • attend a workshop: there’s something wonderful about finding just the right workshop for you to help you grow. Workshops allow you to carve time out of your life to steep. So valuable!
  • get an ebook: I’ve got some products. I’ve got friends who have some wonderful things too. If you’re feeling DIYish these can be perfect to get you much of the way there. Setting aside an hour or two to work through a work book or read thoughts about how to make your own journey can be so encouraging and clarifying.
  • get a marketing buddy: why not meet regularly with a colleague of friend who can ask you good questions, reflect what they’re hearing and brainstorm ideas for you. It’s easy to say, ‘I’ll go to the gym everyday.’ and then not do it. But if your buddy is coming to pick you up, you’ll do it.
  • do that thing you’ve been putting off: sometimes we just need to schedule a couple of focused hours and make things happen. Sometimes we spend so much energy in avoiding things and, if we were to just free that up we’d suddenly be filled with inspiration again. What’s the project you know you need to do, the one you’re really inspired about? Just start it. Spend 5 minutes on it. Make some progress, you’ll feel really good and it might lift up things to think about and steep with faster than abstractly thinking about your business.

guest post: ‘just listening’ by howie jacobson

hj headshot 20111 guest post: just listening by howie jacobsonby Howie Jacobson

In my last article, I talked about projection: what it is, why it keeps us from seeing the world as it really is, and how marketing offers us an opportunity to recognize and free ourselves from the grip of projection.

Now I want to talk about why it’s so important to liberate ourselves from projection. Not from a spiritual perspective, but from a marketing perspective.

The Ultimate Marketing Superpower: Empathy

Can we agree that empathy is one of the key skills necessary for successful marketing? If you can really understand what another person is thinking and feeling, then you can craft products and services and offers that appeal to that person’s sensibilities. And you can talk about those products and services in a relevant, respectful and attractive way.

Think of Nick Marshall, Mel Gibson’s character in the movie What Women Want. When his accidental electrocution gives him the gift to hear women’s thoughts, he immediately becomes the star advertising executive at his agency, celebrated for his ability to market effectively to women.

If you were suddenly given that ability, to hear the innermost thoughts of your prospects – their selfish desires, their secret fears, their poignant stories – can you see how that knowledge would instantly solve 99% of your marketing problems?

Getting the Data is Easy

On the web, all the data we require is at our fingertips. We can reverse engineer Google’s organic listings to find out what the world’s smartest computer thinks people want.

We can eavesdrop on forums, on Facebook, on amazon reviews, on blog comments, and dozens of other places to hear the uncensored, passionate voices of our prospects. We can conduct inexpensive yet highly valuable surveys of our own to discover the deepest desires and hesitations of those who might buy from us.

So what’s the problem? I’m telling you to read the mind of your market, and I’m telling you exactly where to go to get the information. Why isn’t that the end of the story?

The Filter that Keeps Us Clueless

Have you ever listened to a radio or watched a television that got lousy reception? Lots of noise, static, snow, wavy lines, and fuzziness. Do you think the program sounded or looked that way coming out of the studio?

Of course not. The program signal was not the problem. The problem was the poor quality of the device; its inability to translate the incoming signal into clear and meaningful output.

Each of us operates from a filter that keeps us from true empathy. It’s called projection, and here’s how it works:

When I hear you talk about something, I search for meaning in my own past experience. If you say “toothache,” for example, I go back into the file called “Howie’s toothaches” to try to understand what you’re talking about.

When you say the assistant manager at the store was rude, I likewise superimpose my own vision of “rude” on your story. Until you elaborate, I might picture a young guy with dreadlocks and tattoos and piercings giving you the finger. Or I might imagine a snooty middle aged woman raising her eyebrows in disapproval of your request for a refund.

The word “rude” has meaning only in terms of my experience, either direct or second-hand (movies, books, friends’ stories, etc.).

Until I listen to you tell the straight-up facts of what happened from your perspective, I fill in the blanks based on my preconceptions. That’s projection.

Projection occurs much more subtly and pervasively. If I think you’re angry, or sad, or frustrated – chances are I’m interpreting a set of signals through my own distorting filter. “If I were acting that way, it would be because I was irritated,” I reason. So in my mind, you’re irritated. And with that interpretation now projected onto you, I look for confirmation and ignore all contradictory signals.

Projection vs. Empathy

As long as my mind engages in projection (which is only about 100% of the time), I can’t be truly empathetic to you. I can only be empathetic to me. So to the same extent that you and I are having different experiences or different interpretations of those experiences, I’m missing what’s meaningful for you.

In other words, while I think I’m looking at you, I’m actually just seeing myself in a mirror projected on your face.

The Sioux medicine man Fool’s Crow believed that he could be a conduit for healing only when he made himself into a “hollow bone,” a vessel for divine spirit that didn’t superimpose its own particular stories and struggles onto the person seeking healing.
When I read Tarot for clients or engage in Shamanic healing, I have to be exquisitely sensitive to the presence of my own stuff, so that I don’t end up giving someone else the medicine meant for me. When I throw the 4 of wands, for example, do I tell them to chuck the corporate gig for a walk on the wild side because that’s what the card means in this particular reading, or because my own life story concatenates with that interpretation?

Am I Marketing to Me?

If I don’t get familiar with my projections, my marketing turns into a narcissistic festival of self-love and self-loathing. The self-love part is easy to see: I think about what I would want someone to say to me, and then I say it to myself and pretend I’m saying it to you.

But self-loathing? Absolutely!

You know all those “marketing tricks” that seem to work but you really have no stomach for? Like false urgency and false scarcity? “Tomorrow only.” “19 17 12 6 spots left!”

Or manipulative pseudo-reciprocity? “Here’s a free gift. Isn’t it great. Now you owe me.”

Or appeals to the lowest self? “If you buy this your neighbors will bang their heads against the wall in jealousy. Beautiful women will leave their husbands for you. All those jerks in high school will be sorry they didn’t give you more respect.”

We fall back on these and dozens of other gambits because part of us has no respect for our own integrity. We despise and are deeply ashamed of that part, but when we project it outward, it feels better. “What a bunch of sheep they are! What a bunch of insecure losers!”

So we end up attracting the customers and clients who share our most awful traits, and then wonder why we complain about them.

And those judgments diminish our prospects in our eyes. To the extent that we cannot love them. And if you cannot love the people whose lives you are supposedly improving with your products and services, why on earth would they choose you? Because you need the money?

Getting Past Projection

If you’re a lot more spiritually advanced than me, you might have figured out a way to stop projecting. I haven’t. I project like an IMAX theater; consistently, relentlessly, and with alarming realism.

What I am getting better at is recognizing my own projections. The ones that come up every time. The ones that I now recognize as my own face, rather than the face of my prospect, my beloved.

I find that getting quiet on a regular basis helps tremendously. The art of empathy is essentially the art of listening with the head and the heart. When I sit quietly and stop trying to impose my interpretation on reality, I start to listen better. The static mutes and the authentic signal comes through.

And listening as a marketer only happens when I let go of effort, of will, of the need to sell something or convince somebody.

Marketing Minus Projection

When I come to listen with the agenda of manipulating your will, that’s not true listening. And you can sense that. And distrust it. And run from it, if you can.

But when I come with no agenda other than a thirst for truth, for your truth, then your words and thoughts and feelings come through undistorted. I can respond to you naturally in a way that you trust. The word respond comes from the French, meaning “to promise back.”

Whether we speak face to face, over the phone, via email, or whether you’re just one person in my “target market,” I can hear you only when I rest in my own integrity, when I promise back to you to dive into your fears, your pains, your desires, your stories only to serve your highest good. Not to plunder your secrets for my advantage.

In What Women Want, Nick initially uses his gift of mind-reading to climb the corporate ladder and seduce women. But almost despite himself, he begins to form friendships with his co-workers and develop respect for women. His gift of empathy is so powerful, his ego can’t maintain its manipulative stance.

Ultimately, he tells a hard truth and gets fired, and ends up losing his power in a storm as he rescues his secretary who was thinking suicidal thoughts. But he finds redemptive love, both from his estranged daughter and the women who ends up with his job.

His transformation complete, his manipulative power is no longer necessary. He has escaped from the prison of the mirror, and he can simply be, live, and respond to others from his own integrity. He has become trustworthy.
So may we all.

Howie Jacobson, PhD, is the author of Google AdWords For Dummies. He has been an online marketing strategist since 1999, helping clients use the internet to discover, understand, attract and serve their ideal customers. He writes for Fast Company and Harvard Business, and his hippie credentials include teaching at a Quaker School, delivering singing telegrams as a summer job, and playing Ultimate Frisbee every chance he gets. He currently lives with his family in South Africa, where he’s learning to drive a stick shift and be more patient. Follow him at @askhowie, like him at http://facebook.com/askhowie, or sign up for his newsletter at http://askhowie.com.

guest post: ‘spiritual marketing’ by howie jacobson

hj headshot 20111 guest post: spiritual marketing by howie jacobsonby Howie Jacobson

“Most of my clients are liars and cheats,” Allen (not his real name) said.

I sighed. It was going to be a difficult consultation.

I was helping Allen improve his marketing. He wanted to know the best wording for AdWords ads that would attract prospects to his website and away from his competition, who were also “liars and cheats.”

Through questioning, I guided Allen to understand his prospects; their fears, their stories, their rationalizations, their fondest desires, their guiding metaphors. But Allen blocked me every step of the way with his dismissive answers. His impenetrable fortress of judgment and opinion blocked all openings to empathy.

Allen returned again and again to wordsmithing based on his current level of awareness, rather than allowing his awareness to be curious about the authentic internal experience of those he would attract and convince.

He ended up with slightly better ads, perhaps. But his judgmental and divisive worldview, which might be titled “Allen vs. the Scumbags,” prevented any insights based on understanding, respect, and (if I may use the word) love.

And therein lies the great opportunity and invitation of marketing: dropping our identification with our own judgments and opening to an unconditional curiosity about the experience of the other.

Isn’t Marketing the Opposite of Spiritual Consciousness?

Most spiritual traditions teach us not to believe our own thoughts, but instead allow a greater reality free from the conditioning of our ever-chattering, judging, commenting mind. To let go of personal desires, ego concerns, and petty identifications. To simply allow reality to exist and move through it in the here and now, without grasping, without forcing, without needing something else to make us OK and whole.

As entrepreneurs, as people of business, we’re in the business of wanting things. We want to make products, sell products, make money, innovate, beat the competition, buy a nice house, put security money in the bank, be free of financial worry and pain. How could we get things done without that engine of personal desire?

As marketers, we’re in the business of making other people want things. By poking their insecurities: you need this if you want to be loved/popular/successful.  By highlighting gaps between desire and reality: you thought things were OK, but they could be so much better. By capitalizing on fear: there’s a limited supply, you might miss out, hurry and don’t take so long to think. How could we move product without appealing to our prospects’ most self-centered natures?

Spiritual Fraud

I’ve spent a lot of time posturing, pretending to others and myself that I was more spiritual that I actually was. From this place, writing ads and sales copy is pure agony. I find myself totally divided; wanting the sales and the money (sometimes desperately when it was a really important client or when I was out of money and the mortgage was due), and not wanting to appeal to the energies of greed and fear within my prospects.

Can you see the problem? I was operating out of greed and fear myself. But I was looking down on people I didn’t know for being greedy and fearful, and seeking to “enlighten” them through my spiritually uplifted marketing.

What a fraud!

At that stage of my consciousness, the only spiritually honest thing to do would have been to honor the energies of desire within my prospects and myself and speak to them directly. You’re scared? I’m scared too. Let’s talk about being scared. You want more money than you have now? So do I. I know what that feels like. Here’s a product that can help you get it.

The Labels Are What Get In the Way

Addressing my prospects at their level of consciousness is a hell of a lot more respectful than trying to impose another level of consciousness, a “more spiritual” level, on them. Especially when it’s a level I only pretend to attain.

The height of spiritual development, as I’ve come to understand it, is to accept everything as it is, without having an agenda of change or improvement. It’s more “spiritual” to sell someone a product that solves their perceived problem than to try to tell them they’re wrong for perceiving the problem.

So maybe you noticed the language trick I pulled in the last section. I changed the phrase “energies of fear and greed” into “energies of desire.” The first phrase is full of judgment; the second is simply a description. If I judge my prospects for being greedy and fearful, I have no place to stand in solidarity with them. My marketing will not connect.

The Spiritual Opportunity of Marketing

I no longer believe that the spiritual opportunity in marketing is to make my prospects and customers into better people. Into spiritually more advanced beings. Into enlightened souls. What a relief to drop that messiah complex!

The opportunity, instead, is to speak with them as they as, without judging or labeling or diminishing. The opportunity, in other words, is my own spiritual development, and nobody else’s. To mind my own business, not yours.

So what is it about marketing that invites my own spiritual growth? The main opportunity is the ongoing discovery of how I project my own stuff onto the world, and then blame the world for having it.

The Ongoing Discovery of Projection

Projection, as I experience it, means that I’m seeing “out there” what’s really going on “in here.” Just as a movie projector takes an image on a strip of celluloid and projects that image onto an external screen, I take my own issues, fears, faults, and assumptions and project them onto the world in general and other people in particular.

How do I know when I’m projecting? When I’m judging. When I dismiss people as wrong or stupid. When I label others in ways that diminish them. Through enquiry into my own experience, I’ve discovered that every single judgment about somebody else is actually a self-judgment.

When I think of my prospects as greedy and fearful, that’s a sure sign that I’ve got currents of greed and fear within myself. When I criticize TV talking heads for being hateful, I know I’ve got some hate inside me. When I complain about the person who only sees the negative in every situation, guess what? That’s all I can see in them.

Even positive judgments are projections. I can only experience you as kind or graceful or loving or brilliant if I can find those qualities in myself. It’s kind of a cosmic law: whatever I see outside is what I’ve got inside. The spiritual teacher Byron Katie has made a career of gently helping us see the delicious ironies that ensue when we project and judge without awareness.

Without projection, without judgment, I simply take each moment, each encounter, each experience as it comes. I can enter into it fully, see what’s there with fresh eyes and vivid awareness, and be fully present to others without needing to change them in any way.

Marketing to Identify and Resolve My Own Projections

So how do I use marketing to identify and let go of projection? By noticing all projections and following them to their logical conclusion, where they point back at me. At that point, believe me, I’m highly motivated to release them.

When I study my prospects, I notice all the words and concepts that arrive with value judgments. Stubborn. Lazy. Entitled. Stupid.Unrealistic. Desperate. Naïve. I then take each one and find it in myself. I always can. Every single time.

Now, if you came up to me and called me any of those things, I’d probably get hurt and insulted and defensive. “I am not. Let me prove it to you.” So no matter how hard the world tries to get my attention to focus on my character flaws, I’m equally persistent in my resistance. My mind is so good at this, I can probably make you feel like my own shortcomings are actually your fault. My interpersonal crimes rarely leave fingerprints.

So I appreciate the opportunity to dive into the deepest fears and longings of my prospects. I head straight for the dark stuff, the shadow desires, the unconscious feelings that are so much more powerful in motivating behavior than the feelings we’re OK enough with to admit to consciousness.

And in so doing, I end up wading through my own muck. As I own it, reclaim it, bring it home, and experience it fully without resistance or numbness, I heal it. How do I know when it’s healed? When I can’t find it outside of myself anymore.

Making Me a Better Marketer

Cleansing my field of projection is not only a tool for spiritual growth, it’s also the single most effective marketing “technique” I know. If you’ve ever been in the presence of someone who has cleaned their perception of projection, you know how wonderful it feels to be truly seen and heard. And how rare an experience it is for most people. When you can speak to your prospects from a place of non-judgment and unconditional regard and respect, they are naturally drawn to you.

Now, I don’t want to end this piece with a lie. So please don’t believe that I’m particularly good at this spiritual practice of noticing and owning my projections. Because I’m not. I know this because there still arise within me a million judgments a day. And some of them are so convincing, I still believe them and act on them and generally make a mess of things.

But at least I’m no longer confused about how to be a “spiritual” marketer. The story goes, when the young nobleman William Penn first saw the light of Quakerism, he asked the religion’s founder, George Fox, whether he had to stop wearing a sword since Quakerism preaches pacifism. Fox’s reply: “Wear it as long as you can.”

That is to say, when Penn truly aligned himself with pacifism, he would no longer be able to wear a sword. The decision would be internally based, rather than dictated by an outside authority.

Similarly, I appeal to greed and fear in my marketing copy to the extent that those appeals work on me. As I develop and grow, my marketing develops and grows. I no longer try to write “Holier Than Myself” copy that falls flat and helps no one.

So when I discovered that I was judging Allen for his pig-headedness and self-righteous separation from his prospects and competitors, I knew what my own next assignment was.

Howie Jacobson, PhD, is the author of Google AdWords For Dummies. He has been an online marketing strategist since 1999, helping clients use the internet to discover, understand, attract and serve their ideal customers. He writes for Fast Company and Harvard Business, and his hippie credentials include teaching at a Quaker School, delivering singing telegrams as a summer job, and playing Ultimate Frisbee every chance he gets. He currently lives with his family in South Africa, where he’s learning to drive a stick shift and be more patient. Follow him at @askhowie, like him at http://facebook.com/askhowie, or sign up for his newsletter at http://askhowie.com.

Guest Post: What are the 7 Graces of Marketing and Life?

7 Graces FINAL cover for web Guest Post: What are the 7 Graces of Marketing and Life?What are the 7 Graces of Marketing and Life?

My friend and colleague, Lynn Serafinn, has just published her new book The 7 Graces of Marketing: how to heal humanity and the planet by changing the way we sell.

(You can check it out here – but it on December 13th and get yourself some cool free things)

The ideas she presents in this 400+ page book are a call to action, not only to business owners and marketers, but to everyone one of us as a consumer.

Reading Lynn Serafinn’s list of the marketing graces (below) is a liberating experience.

It reminds us that marketing can be either a thing of beauty or a source of our collective discontent. It reminds us that the choice is not `Do I market or do I keep my integrity?’ but rather, `How can I make my marketing more gracious and graceful every day? How can my own marketing be a part of the healing of the world?’

Lynn paints it out so clearly–for each virtue, there is a toxic mimic (twice the calories and none of the nutrition)…Marketing shouldn’t feel like we’re holding our breath just waiting to be discovered as frauds. It should feel like easy breathing. Lynn’s astounding contrast of virtues and vices is such an excellent guide. I can’t wait to dive deeper into it.

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Pasted Image 1 Guest Post: What are the 7 Graces of Marketing and Life?Lynn’s sneak peek into the 7 Graces paradigm

Grace #1: Connection

This is the “antidote” to the “Deadly Sin of Disconnection”. Connection is at the foundation of everything in life—Connection to Self, Source, others, our businesses, and our audience—determine how effectively and authentically we communicate and conduct our lives.

When business owners are disconnected from Self, their businesses cannot be genuine representations of who they are. And the problem is, as businesses get bigger and bigger, that Connection becomes increasingly difficult to maintain. When business owners are not connected to Source and others, it opens to door to exploitation of both natural resources and people.

Connection is the first of the 7 Graces, because without it the other Graces cannot manifest.

Grace #2: Inspiration

This is the “antidote” to the “Deadly Sin of Persuasion”. The literal meaning of the word “Inspiration” means “to breathe life into”. As business owners, we have a choice to be “life giving” to our audience or “life robbing”.

Persuasion, wherein we will do anything and everything to make a sale/profit, is life robbing. As business owners, it is our responsibility to “feed” society, and thus ensure not only that our products and services are life-giving, but also that our communications (marketing) is life-giving.

For marketing to be filled with the “Grace of Inspiration”, it should never incite fear, anxiety or feelings of inadequacy.

Grace #3: Invitation

This is the “antidote” to the “Deadly Sin of Invasion”. Nearly every form of marketing we see today is invasive. Our attention span is continually interrupted, whether it is through television/radio adverts, pop up messages, uninvited email adverts, cold-calling or billboards. As business owners and marketers, we need to bring back the “Grace of Invitation” into our communications.

This means that when visitors come into our “space” (our website, our office/shop), we treat them like respected guests, offering them hospitality and generosity. Conversely, when we come into our customers’ space (as when we send out emails), we must do so with courtesy and care, ensuring we never become the dreaded “houseguest from hell”.

Grace #4: Directness

This is the “antidote” to the “Deadly Sin of Distraction”. So much modern advertising depends upon Distraction to seize and maintain our attention. Nearly every advert you see will utilise random brand identity triggers and humour to get us to pay attention.

What is wrong with this is that people end up buying products simply because they remember the advert, and not necessarily because they have been given direct, clear information about the product or service. Directness is simple: we marketers need to get back to “telling it like it is” instead of hyping up our businesses.

The public need to be informed and empowered. The Grace of Directness allows that to happen.

Grace #5: Transparency

This is the “antidote” to the “Deadly Sin of Deception”. Deception in marketing is rife, but is sometimes extremely subtle. In the book, I give many examples of how language and imagery are often used in a deceptive way in marketing, where technically (and legally) the message is “true”, but the unconscious message we perceive is untrue.

Transparency literally means “to shine light through”. When we are Transparent in marketing and in life, we are not merely being honest, but we are also allowing the true intention behind our thoughts, words and deeds to be seen and heard clearly. When we walk in Transparency, both in business and in life, we are walking in the Essence of who we really are.

Grace #6: Abundance

This is the “antidote” to the “Deadly Sin of Scarcity”.

The chapter on Scarcity in the book is one of the biggest, because it’s simply such a massive topic. Scarcity marketing is all around us, and it appears in so many forms, from limited-time offers to the various kinds of “obsolescence” used to incite us to buy beyond our needs or means.

Abundance, on the other hand, is the fundamental belief that there is enough for all—when we are living in rhythm with the planet. It is our natural state of being. If we operate our business from the fundamental belief in lack or Scarcity, we will always bring Scarcity strategies into our marketing.

The irony is that Scarcity begets Scarcity.

In other words, if we operate from a Scarcity mentality, we are likely to create the very Scarcity we most fear because the end result will be overconsumption. Overconsumption is destroying both our economy and the ecological balance of our natural world. But if we operate from a fundamental belief in Abundance, we will not bring such fear and anxiety into our marketing, and overconsumption will be a thing of the past.

Grace #7: Collaboration

This is the “antidote” to the “Deadly Sin of Competition”. Many people have the false notion that competition is necessary to create healthy economies and stronger societies.

But this is largely a myth and has no foundation in Nature whatsoever. While I believe in “free enterprise”, this is not the same thing as Competition. In the book, I cite many studies that have proved how Competition diminishes creativity and innovation. When we conduct our businesses or our lives with a competitive mindset, we not only reduce our own performance, but we also reduce the support we receive from others.

On the other hand, Collaboration always results in something greater than the sum of its parts. Every single marketing campaign I have produced is based upon Collaboration. The permaculture of the world is actually one giant, interdependent Collaboration.

We’ve been brought up in a competitive world, but the more connected we become via technologies like social media, the more we see that Collaboration is the way we perform best.

*  *  *

I hope you enjoyed this overview of The 7 Graces of Marketing from author Lynn Serafinn. If you want to dive more deeply into this paradigm … do check out Lynn’s book The 7 Graces of Marketing on December 13th.

When you do, there are dozens of wonderful gifts for you, including the audio download of all 7 sessions from the telesummit, and many other goodies. Check out the gifts, and request a launch reminder so you don’t forget to pick up your copy (in paperback or Kindle) at: http://the7gracesofmarketing.com/book 

 

 

Island A: The Painful Symptom

14261 342447235194 516700194 10083098 3911322 n Island A: The Painful Symptom

Words of introduction in which I explain of the incredible length of this post which should probably be an ebook

 

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”

- Plato

I want to talk about empathy in marketing.

It might just be the most important part of it.

This is one of the longest posts I’ve ever put together. It likely took me about ten hours.

I spent so much time on this because I really want you to ‘get it’. I don’t just want to show you something new to look at – I want you to have new eyes.

Give me thirty minutes of your time to read this. It could change your business.

*

So many people in life struggle.

Alone.

They never feel like anyone ‘gets’ them. And, truthfully, most people don’t. They saunter in with their big words and importance advice. But, of course, the solutions rarely work. Because it was a cookie cutter, generic piece of advice. Like a suit that was too big it just didn’t ‘fit’.

When people see that we don’t ‘get’ them, they will never trust our solutions.

Translated: if your potential clients don’t feel like you ‘get’ them – they will never hire you; they’ll never buy from you. And, until you understand the real nature of the struggles your clients go through you will never be able to write good sales copy. But, vastly more importantly, you’ll never be able to craft a product or service that is genuinely perfect for them. Your products and services will always be generic.

But let me start by telling you a few stories.

*

I’m in a car driving from Santa Cruz, California with a friend of a friend to a music festival in Santa Rosa.

And she is venting.

Relationship stuff.

The drive is two hours.

180594 10150416707365195 516700194 17821010 1994057 n Island A: The Painful SymptomAnd, during the entire drive, I barely say two words. I’m listening. Not that I don’t want to say things. Or feel like I have brilliant things to say. I do. I keep having pithy aphorisms, quotes and inspiring things to say that I’m convinced will help her. But something is telling me to keep my mouth shut and keep listening. So I do. Five minutes of silence pass as we drive. And then she takes a deep breath and says, ‘And another thing! . . .’

It goes like this for the whole drive. Me not saying much. Making sympathetic noises. Her sharing more and more deeply about what’s going on. At several points, I have the thought, ‘Wow. I’m glad I didn’t share that thing I was so excited to share thirty minutes ago.’ I keep seeing how off base my insights were. How useless they would have been. I thought the problem was X but it turns out to be Y. And then Z.

I keep listening.

378126 10151023003745195 516700194 22586557 1566986839 n Island A: The Painful SymptomFinally, a deep exhale from her. She seems done.

I say, ‘Wow. It seems like you’re really struggling with how to meet your needs for sexual expression . . . but also your needs for self respect.’

She grips the steering wheel a little tighter as her eyes widen. She takes a deep breath and looks over at me, ‘YES!’

What she was saying was, ‘YES! You got it! You articulated that better than I could have myself! Thank you.’

It feels wonderful to be ‘gotten’.

  

*

CARPENTERS RULE:

Measure twice. Cut once.

*

I’m in Toronto. It’s mid October. I’m leading a brand new workshop called ‘The Hot Box‘.

It’s an invite only workshop for more seasoned entrepreneurs focused at digging deep into their situations. Only eight people were there (but I realize I should limit it to six by the end of the day).

It’s a simple format.

We sit in a circle. People share where they’re struggling. We help them. Each person gets 45 minutes of the groups focus and time.

But the details are important. They have five minutes to share what’s up for them. Then the group has thirty minutes to make sure they really ‘get it’. We diagnose before we subscribe. For that thirty minutes no advice is allowed. Only clarifying question and reflections. Clarity first, resolution second.

And it’s amazing how different the advice is that I would give at the end of that thirty minutes than at the beginning.

*

382128 10150967490020195 516700194 22382929 901739065 n Island A: The Painful SymptomI’m leading a workshop on Non Violent Communication for a housing coop in Edmonton.

We sit in a circle. I invite someone to share something they’re struggling with. A fellow named Jim volunteers. “I’m going home to visit soon. And my family and I always fight about politics. I don’t know how to deal with it.’

I feel everyone in the circle lean is as if to pounce on him with their advice, ideas and commiseration. They want to solve this shit.

I invite everyone to lean back. I invite them to question how clear they are about the real nature of the problem after so little information. Invite three people to reflect back what they heard. I ask Jim if they ‘got it’. He nods, but adds some more details. We end up going around the circle. I invite each person to share what they just heard him say and then I ask him, ‘did they get it?’

By the end of the circle Jim says, ‘I mean . . . do I even need to talk with my parents about this? I’m not even that political anymore.’

And it becomes clear: all of our advice from that first minute would have been useless.

Measure twice, cut once.

*

I’m talking with a friend about foreign aid. He’s bemoaning an organization that went in to built wells so people could have clean water – but didn’t teach the village how maintain it. “Tens of thousands of wasted dollars . . .” He shakes his head. “These aid organizations . . . They just don’t get it.”

*

Relevance

It’s easy to get lost in our brilliant point of view in marketing. To want to share our diagnosis of what’s really going on under the surface with people before they feel like we really get what it’s like to be them. To give all sorts of advice.

So, let me break it down.

People are overwhelmed with information these days. Thousands of marketing messages everyday. People unconsciously filter out 99% of the stimulus coming at them. What they do give their attention to are things they believe are relevant to them.

Relevance is the word.

And what is the only thing that is relevant to people? Their experience. Period. That’s it.

The more present, visceral and intense the experience – the more relevant it is.

When you’re in immense physical or emotional pain nothing else matters. If I were to have you hold your breath as long as you could – the only thing you’d want by the last few seconds is air.

If people can see how our product or service is relevant to them they will pay attention. If they can’t they won’t. It’s really as simple as that.

If you’ve followed my work at all you know all about my metaphor of the journey from Island A to Island B. You can watch a video about it here.

I wrote about it in a recent blog post about figuring out your platform.

Imagine a young man on an island (which we’ll call Island A). It’s not that great a place to be. But, it’s all he knows, so he goes about his days. Then he starts hearing that his is not the only island in the world. That there are other islands. At first he doesn’t believe it, but the more he visits the docks and meets these visitors the clearer it becomes. It’s true. And then, one day, he hears about a particular island (which we’ll call Island B). And his heart leaps. He wants to go there.

Of course, he needs to get a boat to go there.

But there are so many boats to hire! Which one to choose?

Your business is a boat. It helps people like this young man get from Island A where they’re struggling with some problem (i.e. set of symptoms they don’t like) to Island B where they have the result they want (i.e. something they’re craving).

People don’t get on your boat because they love it. They get on your boat to get off Island A.

And that’s the question: what is Island A?

Island A is the painful set of symptoms they experience in their lives. It’s the problem they face. It’s why they’re looking for a boat in the first place. It’s what makes your boat relevant to them. If they have no problem, they have, in their mind, no need for a solution.

I will often ask holistic or permaculture providers what problems they solve for their clients. They’ll laugh and say, ‘That’s the thing! This modality/approach can work on any problem. What can’t it do?

They’re so in love with their boat (what they do and how they do it) and so they talk about their boat all the time. But people only care about your boat if it can help them with their problem.

This seems like it would be a liberating approach or perspective. You’re not limiting your options. But it’s actually the most limiting thing you can do. Because now there’s no relevance for the boat. Why bother getting on a boat if you don’t want to leave the Island?

*

Their Symptoms vs. Your Diagnosis

The famous golfer Jack Nicklaus was suffering from intense pain in his right knee and considering getting surgery.

But his friend begged of him to go see Pete Egoscue, a structural anatomist. Begrudgingly, as a favour to his friend, he went. When Jack walked into the office, Pete looked up and saw him limping.

“I see you’re having trouble with your hip.”

“Actually,” said Jack ‘why-did-i-agree-to-see-this-quack?’ Nicklaus. “I’m in crippling pain in my right knee.” and was about to leave.

“I can see you’re in pain in your knee. But that’s the source of your pain – it’s not the cause. The cause is that your right hip is rotated forward and that’s putting pressure on your knee. Get down on the ground and try this . . .”

After thirty minutes of stretching and exercises, Jack stood up. With no pain in his knee.

Pete looked him in the eye, “If you want this pain to stay away, you’ll do exactly what I say.”

Client for life.

The point I want you to get from this story is the sharp distinction between symptoms and signs.

The symptom is what the patient feels. The sign is what the doctor or trained practitioner notices. The person may come in with crippling knee pain (symptom). But the practitioner sees that this pain is caused by the hip rotating forward and putting pressure on the knee (sign). Here’s the point – in marketing you must speak to the symptoms not to the signs.

“What is my client’s absolute biggest problem? What is their perception of that problem? Their perception is more important than yours. Build your company around your customers biggest perceived problem. Give them your solution, or somebody else will.” Jay Abraham

Imagine a full page ad in a golf magazine: which headline do you thinking would be more effective?

A) “Are you suffering from excruciating knee pain every time you walk?”

B) “Is your left hip rotated forward due to a lack of core muscle strength?”

Duh.

This distinction is critical. In the beginning, you must speak to people’s experiences – not about your brilliant diagnosis of what caused their experience.

 

Empathy before education.

 

The truth: Most people don’t see themselves clearly. They could be the biggest asshole in the world – and never notice it. If you try to write an add saying, “Are you an asshole?” You probably won’t have much luck. Most people think of themselves as good people who are victimized by the world.

Is that sad? Maybe – but I’d suggest you get over that and just accept that that’s how it is.

People may not have any sense that they’re jerks – but I will guarantee you that they are noticing some of the consequences of their behaviour (even if they blame everyone else) – and that is what you need to speak to. Maybe they notice that they have no friends who they’ve known more than a year. Maybe they notice that they get lied to a lot. Maybe they notice that people break commitments with them a lot. They’re getting stood up for dates a lot. You’d get further in your marketing if you spoke to that.

Another example: most people think that they’re great communicators. They really do. So, if you come at someone from the angle of “we work with managers who don’t have the communication skills to motivate their employees” you won’t get very far. It may be true – but it’s a sign, not a symptom.

And all of your marketing must speak 100% to the symptoms that they are experiencing.

If you changed your approach to be, “We work with managers who aren’t getting the kind of buy in they’d like from their employees.” You’ve got to speak to what’s real for them. And what’s real for them is rarely that they are to blame. They probably are feeling hard done by. That doesn’t mean that you can’t help them identify where they are responsible for what’s happening to them – all it means is that you can’t start there.

 

A million more examples follow . . .

For the past fifteen years, I’ve worked with a non-profit in California. One of the ideas that’s evolved is to offer some mentorship and consulting to folks running non-profits working for progressive and radical change.

They walk into the office every day trying to keep their organization running and achieving its big vision. That’s what got them into it. Wanting to make a big difference.

And what we’ve seen is that, despite great missions and programs, many organizations are (secretly) suffering from breakdown due to internal conflicts, burnout and lack of alignment. Lots of money and energy are spent in building up an image to the outside world, while inside, things are falling apart for individuals and their relationships.

But if I were to try to get an Executive Director’s attention I wouldn’t say, ‘Is your organization out of alignment?’ Instead, I might speak to some of the following . . .

  • people aren’t really talking to each other in the organization
  • your organization is full of cliques
  • your organization is trying to work with a diverse coalition but you’re all of one gender, race or class – you’re a monoculture organization seeking to work on diverse things
  • lots of following but not initiative and leadership for people
  • you have to generate all the ideas and no one else is contributing
  • people are constantly criticizing ideas and putting them down – not very generative
  • your group is criticized about diversity/anti-oppression stuff
  • want to form alliances with other kinds of groups but not sure how
  • frustrated by divisiveness in activist community in your area
  • you’ve done an anti-oppression training but don’t know how to integrate it (and secretly have questions or doubts about the whole frame)
  • had a blow up around race, class, gender, power issues in your organization
  • people are calling you out on your attachment to power – you’ve become ‘the man’ to your staff
  • the roles and responsibilities are not the right fit. Some people are doing the wrong job and you’re not sure how to let them go or find them another position.
  • you keep trying to do the right thing to make your organization an embodiment of the culture you want to see in the world – only to have it blow up in your face
  • you’re feeling alone and isolated with no one to talk to

If I was leading a Non Violent Communication NVC) workshop, I wouldn’t try to educate people about all the intricacies, elements and premises of NVC in the ad. I’d want to speak to the symptom. Here’s an example of some potential content for a generic NVC workshop ad.

do you collapse and crumble inside when you’re verbally attacked?

(or do you just lose your shit and say things you later regret?)

There’s a third option that allows you to retain your spine without closing your heart down.

If you can honestly answer yes to the following 21 questions, you might find this workshop useful . . .

1.     have you ever had someone listen to you so deeply and non-defensively when you were in pain and angry with them that the pain went away and you were left feeling wonderful?

2.     does the idea of conflict secretly scare you?

3.     do you have a lot of trouble saying ‘no’ without feeling guilty?

4.     do you often feel like your needs are a burden on others?

5.     is it really important for you to be seen as ‘reasonable’ and ‘nice’?

6.     do you often not share the truth of what you’re feeling and needing with loved ones because you don’t want to hurt their feelings?

7.     do you often feel confused about exactly what it is you are feeling and needing?

8.     do you believe that your needs are something you should transcend or ignore (vs. just getting them met)?

9.     do you have strong belief in right and wrong? (and that people who do ‘bad’ should be punished while those who do ‘good’ should be rewarded?)

10.   do you find yourself staying put and staying quiet (smiling sweetly and unable to speak up) in intolerable situations?

11.   do you think that if you’re nice enough people will love and respect you?

12.   do you often feel deep resentment and bitterness towards people for not listening to you?

13.   do you sometimes feel scared that your feelings will overwhelm you or others?

14.   do you sometimes lie about how hurt or uncomfortable you feel because you don’t want to be ‘rude’

15.   do you feel guilty about asking directly for what you want and need?

16.   do you secretly fear that humanity is rotten at its core?

17.   when someone is in a great deal of emotional pain, do you find yourself initially trying to help them understand how they manifested this into their life (and to take responsibility for it)? or do you try to help them understand the spiritual lessons that they’re gaining from it . . . instead of just listening and giving them empathy?

18.   do you think it’s important to ‘call people on their shit?’

19.   do you think it’s important to be blunt and tell people what’s wrong with them when you can see it?

20.   do you intellectually believe in the idea of finding a win/win solution but emotionally shut down and react in ways you wish you didn’t when conflict arises?

21.   do you wish you could maintain your full presence when people are communicating with you in ways that you don’t like?

I hope this is making sense.

Speak to the symptoms, not about your diagnosis.

Nicole Moen speaks brilliantly to a common human experience, “Have you ever felt the urge to walk out your door and just go? You know, like, simply start walking . . . who knows where?”

Alex Baisley offers these words in his ‘Creating a Sustainable Lifestyle’ workshop:

Maybe you have a job or business you really don’t care for anymore. You feel there is more to life, that you’d like to work at something meaningful, maybe work for yourself, help others, have a better lifestyle, but you just can’t figure out what you should be doing.

You know you are creative, independent, and would prefer to make your living doing your ‘own thing’ if you could just figure out what…

Have you questioned leaving your job, going back to school, going to a life coach…? All good ideas by the way, but before going through another day frustrated and questioning… maybe come hear me out.

Maybe you are a parent, and you love the idea of having your work fit better with your family – allowing you to spend more time with your kids for instance, maybe even have them be involved in your work somehow a better life / work balance…

Do you ever get that ‘PANIC’ of feeling time is ticking along, and you still haven’t figured out what the heck you’re supposed to be doing with your life? This can be a very unpleasant experience – I know first hand what it felt like, and I’m sure glad I don’t feel it any more!

180637 10150416750495195 516700194 17821404 2582821 n Island A: The Painful SymptomKristi Beatty, a sexual enrichment counselor in Calgary articulates the experience of many women:

  • Not knowing their bodies and what truly pleases them.
  • Difficulties communicating with their partner about their needs, desires and wants.
  • Feeling obligated to have sex and not enjoying it.
  • Having difficulties having an orgasm or don’t orgasm at all with themselves and/or with a partner.
  • Feeling guilty when they self pleasure and/or don’t self pleasure at all.
  • Craving a deep intimate relationship with their partner but lacking a deep intimate relationship with themselves.
  • Avoiding having sex or certain sexual positions because they are self conscious about how their body looks naked.
  • Enjoying making love with their partner and giving them pleasure but have a hard time receiving pleasure.
  • Thinking they are “dirty” or “bad” because they actually do enjoy sex and want it more than their partners.
  • Feeling guilty or shameful about their fantasies and are afraid to express them.

The Therapy Vault was created out of empathy for the pain of therapists having to carry so many esecrets in their hearts and having no one they can talk to about it.

Carrie Klassen has written a wonderful ebook called ‘How to Write a Lovable Homepage’ and she articulates the experience

How to Write a Lovable Homepage is for entrepreneurs who:

  • are doing what they love but aren’t quite making a living yet (you’re not alone!)
  • don’t have enough clients, or enough “right” clients
  • want to surround themselves with only supportive, enthusiastic and loyal customers
  • feel stuck or stressed when it comes to figuring out what to write
  • aren’t always proud to share their websites

Mark Silver’s homepage does a wonderful job of articulating Island A:

Are you losing your heart trying to make your business work?

You can make a healthy profit and a real difference.

You want to make a difference in the world. And there’s no job description that lets you do exactly what you most want. Or the freedom that being self-employed gives you. Or the income potential.

So, accidentally or intentionally, you find yourself in business.

But it’s hard. Running a business turns out to involve more than you thought. Your vision can easily get lost in the overwhelming whirl of details and the pressure of bringing in cash. It’s no surprise you can end up dispirited and burnt-out, losing your confidence, passion and direction.

What’s more, the things you think you have to do to make the business work… you just won’t betray your heart and ethics like that. You won’t do it, no matter how “effective.”

Speak to the symptoms, not about your diagnosis.

Another story: A classic example of getting clear about the problem is FedEx.

For years, they thought they were targeting the CEO’s of the businesses. They thought the problem was helping to facilitate their communication. But then someone stopped and noticed what was going on. They realized that it wasn’t the CEO’s who were using FedEx. It was the harried secretary. They realized that these secretaries wanted to be heroes to their bosses. They changed their marketing to address that and their sales exploded.

The movie The Matrix did this. It powerfully captured a feeling that many people live with. This vague sense that things aren’t right; that there’s more to the world than what we see. It captured the frustration of feeling like we’re just food for the larger machine.

When running for the Presidency in the USA for the 2004 Elections, Senator John Edwards used  his “Two Americas” stump speech as the core of his messaging. The message was this: “There’s not just one America. There are two Americas. There’s an America where you get health care and there’s an America where you don’t. There’s an America where you have opportunity and there’s an America where you don’t.” People resonated with this powerfully. “Yes,” they thought. “It’s just like that.”

The title of John Gray’s best-selling book ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus‘ struck a chord all over the world. People heard that and said, “Wow. That’s true. It’s just like that.” (NOTE: Friends of mine also staged a comedy production called ‘Men Are Stupid, Women Are Crazy.’ which also seemed to resonate strongly with both genders . . .)

Ari Galper realized that most sale people hated cold calling. Hated it. They had a fear of phone. But their jobs depended on it. Here’s what it says on his webpage:

 

Is Selling Painful For You?

It’s not your fault — and there is a better way

Old “tried and true” sales techniques that were once successful have completely lost their effectiveness over the years. That’s why I developed a sales approach that will quickly and automatically put you ahead of the game and instantly in a league above your competition.

 

Imagine that you hate your job and you see this ad. Do you think it might speak to you?

 

 “Is your boss a psychopath?”

Want to quit your job, but you’re afraid to?

Tired of your increasing workload without added pay?

80% of employees dislike their work.

DO YOU?

Call us today – we can help.

 

Speak to the symptoms, not about your diagnosis.

A core question to ask yourself is, “Under what circumstances do your prospects start to think about buying what you offer?” (thank to the book Monopolize Your Marketplace for this gem).

This isn’t what events make people think about buying from you. It’s what make them think about buying the product or service you sell in general.

Also – this is just what starts them thinking about it. We’re not asking for the things that make them say “YES! I’ll buy!” We’re looking for the core problems or triggers that start the process of thinking, researching, talking to friends etc. Only 5% of people are ready to buy right now. Most people are earlier on in the spectrum.

Example #1: What would happen to let you know you were needing a new car?

o    It’s breaking down constantly.
o    I’ve spent more money on repairs than the car is worth. I feel frustrated.
o    I hate the look of my car. I feel embarrased.
o    I just saw a new car I like.
o    I want to get a more fuel efficient car.
o    My family has grown and I need a larger vehicle.

Example #2: What would happen to let you know you were needing a new fence?

o    Your fence is sagging
o    My fence is eight year’s old and it’s starting to look run down
o    My family pet is escaping through gaps in the fence.
o    Animals are getting into your garden
o    The fence is sagging
o    The posts are rotting
o    A strong wind is causing one section to lean.
o    I’m building a new swimming pool and the fence is required by law.
o    You have children and you can’t leave them alone in the yard because they might run into the street.
o    I’m selling my house and I want to get top dollar.

Example #3: What might happen to let you know you were needing a life coach?

o    I am feeling lost in my life
o    I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.
o    I just got laid off and have no idea what to do. I feel overwhelmed.
o    I’ve just gone through a painful divorce and am wanting to start fresh but know I need support.
o    I keep meaning to handle important areas of my life but never seem to get around to it. I feel ashamed and embarrased.
o    I have a very hard time saying ‘no’ and drawing boundaries without feeling guilty
o    I am not getting my needs met in a relationship but have no idea how to ask for it. I feel helpless and confused.
o    I feel dissatisfied with my life but can’t put my finger on why that is.
o    I’ve read all the damn new age and personal development books and I still feel stuck in the same old patterns. I realize that it’s not about more information.
o    I am feeling stuck right now in some unhealthy patterns and I’m just needing someone to hold my hand and walk me through this.

Example #4: Under what circumstances might you start thinking about hiring a web designer?

o    I’m embarrassed about the appearance of my website.
o    I notice that I’m not passing out my website address because I feel so ashamed of its appearance.
o    My materials and website no longer represent me. They don’t capture my vibe and personality.
o    I just saw a website or flyer that made you say, “Wow! I wish mine looked that good.”

In my workshops, I often have clients practice introducing themselves by saying, “Do you know how (kinds of people) struggle with (kind of problem)?” (e.g. “Do you know how a lot of holistic practitioners struggle with getting enough clients?” 

That phrasing of “Do you know . . .?”is important. It’s important that they do know. It’s important that I’m speaking to the symptoms they’re experiencing not the underlying cause (we can and should speak to that later, but not until there’s relevance established).

Which of the following headlines do you think is most likely to get people’s attention?

1)    ‘Do you know how people struggle with always dating the same type of person?’

2)    ‘Do you know how some people’s heart chakra’s are closed down due to past unresolved karma?’

It’s obvious isn’t it?

Shouldn’t our businesses exist to help people with their real problems instead of just being a vanity piece where we show off our boat?

I want to suggest that the heart of your marketing can (and, if I might be so bold, perhaps ought to be) empathy.

Life can be hard sometimes.

We all struggle with things. And we all need help sometimes.

Our business exists to help people with their problems.

Simple enough idea – but the implications are profound and applications often totally overlooked.

Again, the word of the day is: relevance.

Do you remember Aesop’s fable about the lion with the thorn in his paw?

A mouse comes along and sees how much pain the thorn is causing the lion. Even though the lion is roaring loudly, the mouse bravely steps forward and takes it out and wins the lion’s lifelong loyalty. They become the best of friends.

Here’s the point: do you think the lion cared who took it out? Or what particular set of tools the mouse used? What technique? Where he learned it? No. Maybe afterwards. But the first and foremost thing on his mind was ‘get me out of pain.’

 

“It’s much harder to sell clients on a nice idea than it is to speak to the urgent problems they’re facing now.”
Phila Hoopes

 

But isn’t this being negative?

The key is to speak to people’s actual experience, not to just talk about our boat.

Sometimes what’s most real for people is Island A (what they don’t want) and sometimes what’s most real is Island B (what they do want).

But, often, people are more focused on what they don’t want than what they do want.

Is that a disempowering focus? Probably.

Is that a sad statement about where most folks are at? Perhaps.

But you can spend your time railing against reality or you can have empathy for it.

I know some marketers – especially in the new age scene – who never ever want to dwell on the negative or speak to people’s problems. They think that this makes those problems more real and that it’s manipulative.

While I really respect the integrity of this stance – I also think it’s entirely misguided. These people often are failing profoundly in their marketing. What’s often happening is that they’re in love with talking about how profoundly amazing their boat and point of view is.

When people are in pain – they need empathy – not advice.

As the old saying goes, “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Sometimes people are just craving for someone to acknowledge their struggles; to know they’re not alone or crazy for feeling how they feel.

For most people, their vision of what they want is far off in the distance but their problems are right in front of their face. And if you want to get their attention you must speak to what’s real to them right now.

You can be arrogant and holier or granolier than thou if you want. You can insist on speaking to what you think they should be focused on. You can ignore how much they’re hurting and simply refuse to acknowledge it and then blame them for not responding to it. You can choose to live in some mythical land where everyone is fully empowered and focused solely on what they want – or you can be a human being and admit that sometimes life is hard for folks. Sometimes people feel frustrated and confused and angry.

If you are willing to get off your high horse and really ‘be with the people’ – if you’re willing to take the time to hear and really understand the pain they experience and willing to articulate that in your marketing – an amazing thing happens: first of all, you get their attention. Second of all, people don’t feel manipulated – they feel seen. If you can artfully articulate their problems well – they feel heard, understood and acknowledged.

And that creates something else – profound trust and connection. If you can give them the empathy they’re seeking by speaking to their experience – they will turn to you like a plant does to sunlight. They will assume that, if you understand their problems that well – your solutions must be equally well thought out.

And, once a relationships developed – you may even be able to help them move their focus away from what they don’t want to what they do want and perhaps even lift their vision to a new horizon they never knew was possible – and wouldn’t that be a wonderful gift to give them?

Ask yourself: What’s going on with them that makes what you’re offering relevant?

 

If there’s no problem, there’s no relevance.

 

People don’t get on your boat because they love it. They get on your boat to get off Island A.

 

Three Compelling Reasons to Clarify Island A:

REASON #1 – THE OPENING

It will give you a compelling opening for your homepage, sales letter, presentation or cold call.

How do most sales conversations start? It’s all about the salesperson, isn’t it. “Hi my name is John and I’m calling from Acme Supplies.” Though it may not be immediately obvious how to do it you can start the conversation with their need, their problems – not your company’s pitch. By starting with their problem, with their lived experience, you instantly get their attention and interest.

If your marketing speaks to a significant problem of theirs, you’d be shocked how much they’d be willing to read. A thirty page sales letter? Impossible you say. Not so.

Imagine you were getting divorced and you didn’t want it to happen. And then, one day in the mail you get a huge direct mail piece with the headline “Exactly What You Need to Say to Stop Your Painful Divorce – Even If It Feels Hopeless.” You’d very likely sit down and read that. If a friend gave to you, even more likely.

When relevance has been established people pay attention. Until it’s been established, they ignore you. It’s rarely a matter of too much information or too many words. It’s almost always an issue of too little relevance.

REASON #2 – IS IT A FIT?

If you are speaking to someone and they are not dealing with the problem you solve – that’s it. It’s over. No need to chase them. No need to try to ask them probing questions. The entire goal of our marketing should be about helping them to sort out if we’re a fit for them or not.

There are so many elements of whether things are a fit or not – but the fastest, clearest and most important one is this: ‘can you help me with a problem I’m experiencing?’. If the problem we solve is fuzzy, so will their minds be when trying to figure out if it’s a fit. Always remember this: the confused mind says ‘no’.

REASON #3 – TRUST

If you can articulate their lived experience and problems even better than they can they will experience a profound amount of trust with you.

They feel profoundly safe with you because they know that you understand them. Don’t underestimate the power of this. In their mind, the logic goes like this: ‘if they understand my problems so well, they most understand how to design a solution well too.’

People don’t get on your boat because they love it. They get on your boat to get off Island A.

Until they perceives some relevance in what you do to their life – nothing happens. And why should it?

On a personal level they may love you dearly, they might give you polite interest at that cocktail party, but on a business level they could care less about your problems, travails and how hard it is for you. They want to know, ‘What can you do for me? Can you get me relief from this pain?’

No, they’re coming to you to get something. Your business is just a tool. Your boat is just a boat to them. An ends to a means. It might sound harsh but I think you’ll find it’s true.

The point is that it isn’t about you and your boat.

 

Three levels of progress in this area. You know you’re making progress here when:

1)    You realize that they’re on Island A and want to go to Island B. You realize that it’s not about your boat – it’s about their journey.

2)    You realize that many people are in learned helplessness about their problems. They think the pain is unavoidable – they’ve tried so. many. different. times. They don’t believe those deeper needs will ever be fulfilled. They fear that the problem is permanent. They’ve learned that they can never get off Island A.

3)    You can articulate their problems better than they can. You can articulate the needs and inklings that they barely even knew they had themselves – you can put words to those vague discomforts, niggling doubts and unclear concerns.

This is a huge sign of progress.

Rich Scheffrenn says in his Maven Matrix report: “Come up with at least three ways to articulate these problems better than your prospects have.  (It’s not as hard as it might sound…nobody sits around trying to come up with better ways to describe a problem, so thinking time will give you a huge advantage here.)” This means that you don’t only understand Island A, you know how they feel about being Island A.

Your goal is to be able to speak to your ideal clients about their problem, about their daily experience, in such a way that they say, “Wow! That’s me! That’s it. She gets it! She understands what I’m dealing with. I’ve never felt that understood.”

Most people don’t even really know what’s wrong. They just know that something feels off.

If you can get that kind of “that’s me!” response you instantly gain massive trust. If they trust your diagnosis, they’ll trust your prescription.

Nothing builds your credibility faster than this. Nothing.

Ari Galper shares these words . . .

“The Prospect’s World — How Do We Understand It?”

QUESTION: Ari, your e-mail really resonated with me. I have my doubts about one sentence, and I’m not sure if it’s because of how it was stated. You say: “…having intimate knowledge of your prospects’ problems BEFORE you approach them.” How can you have intimate knowledge of the prospects problem before approaching them? Through lots of research? I strongly believe we can never to understand our prospect’s world because we don’t live in their world, no matter how much we try.

ARI: Understanding more about your prospects’ problems BEFORE you approach them comes from your ability to listen. And when I say listen, I mean, “Listen WITHOUT your mind thinking about how to move the conversation closer to a sale.”

Also, the term “research” is a bit too impersonal. It’s more accurate to say that you’ll have deep knowledge about your prospects’ problems when you can have open, agenda-free conversations with people who are comfortable sharing what’s happening from their perspective.

But you can’t get these insights if you’re always thinking about moving the sale forward. If a voice in your mind is always saying, “How do I move this conversation closer to a sale?,” then you’re really not “listening.” That’s why you think you can’t “live in their world.” Let go of trying to make the sale, and you’ll learn more about your prospects than you ever imagined.

 

Four qualities of a well articulated problem:

  • it’s urgent: if it’s the kind of problem they can handle whenever, they will likely put off handling it. If there’s no urgency they’ll likely regard what you do with fascination and respect, but they won’t buy. If it’s a mild, dull ache . . . well some people can live with those forever. It’s the old story of the city slicker who gets lost in the country and he walks to a farm house. While he’s getting directions from the farmer sitting on his porch, the dog next to the farmer on the porch floor is whining something awful. When he asks what’s wrong with the dog, the farmer tells him, ‘Oh him. He’s sittin’ on a nail.’ But, the city slicker persists, ‘why doesn’t he move then?’ The farmer looks down on the dog, ‘well, it doesn’t hurt that much . . .’
  • it’s particular: yes, ‘stress’ is a symptom. True. But the stress of a housewife and the stress of a CEO are different. The stress of living your life hiding the fact that you’re gay is different than the stress of trying to scrape enough money to pay your bills. The question of niche becomes tremendously important here. Nothing helps us qualify and refine the nature of the symptoms faster than knowing exactly who we’re talking about.
  • it’s sensory: the most effective of these appeal to your five senses. You can easily describe them. You can imagine them clearly. You can visualize them.  Taken together, the symptoms paint a picture of someone’s life. They tell a story. Your ideal client should read the list you come up with and say, “that’s me!”
  • it has feelings: ideally you not only put in the specific symptoms but also how people feel about those symptoms.

 

Seven ways to identify and clarify the symptoms you help your clients with

  • look to your own wounds: in so many cases, we end up being able to best serve people who are just like us. We can help people who are going through what we went through. Our deepest wounds are often our truest niche.
  • interviews and conversations: sit down with people in your niche and ask them what it’s like to be them. Listen carefully. Take notes. You likely can’t do this enough.
  • listen for their metaphors: when they describe what they live with what images do they use? what is it like for them? what does it seem like to be on Island A? Is it like a prison? Do they feel like they’re at the ‘end of their rope’ or ‘up against a wall’ or more like they’re drowning? Sometimes, this kind of evocative imagery can be used very powerfully in our marketing.
  • look for industry frustrations: where are they currently frustrated or aggravated with your industry? Knowing this can give you some keen insights into how to design your boat and frame it best.
  • get interviewed: have a friend interview you and record what you say. The catch: you must answer the question as if you were your own ideal client. So you will answer all questions with “I” not “they”. Pretend you’re the kind of client you want – step into their shoes. Have them ask you this question again and again, “Under what circumstances do you start to think about buying __________________?”
  • research online: find out where your niche hangs out online. Are there certain forums, blogs, facebook pages etc. Go and research. Read their comments. Participate. Ask questions.

  • consider which of the four tracks it’s a part of: most of the problems people face in their life will fit into one of the following four ‘tracks’. Which one is primary for you (remember: their symptoms, not your diagnosis).
  1. health: physical health, more energy, being more strong, more flexible, better digestion, better sleep etc.
  2. money: this could mean more cash, better money management, ways to save money etc. Can you help them make it or save it? Can you improve their career prospects?
  3. peace of mind: a deeper sense of spirituality and meaning etc. Can you help people feel more relaxed, safe and comfortable in their own skin and at home in the world? Can you help them partake in more meaningful work in their life?
  4. relationships: dating, marriage, better sex etc.

 

Thoughts on how to use these symptoms in your marketing:

  • with great respect and sensitivity: these things are often incredibly painful for people. We don’t want to speak tritely of people’s pain. If they are feeling shame – that is incredibly crippling. It’s very sensitive ground. Tread carefully. You need to acknowledge how hard it is for them.
  • share your own story: sometimes we don’t have to say the infomercially words like, ‘do you suffer from bad breath?’. Sometimes we can just share our story and they can find themselves in it. And sometimes that’s more powerful.
  • tell the client’s story: another option is that you can articulate the story of your typical client. You can do a little one or a big one
  • be curious about the problems you already solve (that you might not even know you’re solving):  Thomas Leonard was one of the founders of the Life Coaching movement. But before he did this, he was a financial advisor. One day he asked a couple who he’d worked with for years, “Why do you work with me? I mean, beyond the technical side.” The husband said, “Thomas, how could we give you up? You’re our marriage counselor!” Thomas was confused and asked them to explain. The wife spoke up and said, “Thomas, you need to understand, before we came to you our marriage was on the rocks. And it was mostly due to fights about money. But then when we saw you, you had this incredibly gentle way of working things out with us. We left that first meeting feeling so at peace. Now we have a rule in our marriage. We don’t talk about money unless Thomas is there. You’ve saved our marriage.”

Island Z: The Unspoken Fears

fear Island Z: The Unspoken FearsA lot of us have fears we never speak about. Fears we imagine no one else has. Fears no one else could understand.

And I think it’s important to know what these are for your client.

I’ve been writing a lot about the journey and the key elements of your platform lately.

Here’s a recap if you’ve missed it.

Imagine a young man on an island (which we’ll call Island A). It’s not that great a place to be. But, it’s all he knows, so he goes about his days. Then he starts hearing that his is not the only island in the world. That there are other islands. At first he doesn’t believe it, but the more he visits the docks and meets these visitors the clearer it becomes. It’s true. And then, one day, he hears about a particular island (which we’ll call Island B). And his heart leaps. He wants to go there.

Of course, he needs to get a boat to go there.

But there are so many boats to hire! Which one to choose?

Your business is a boat. It helps people like this young man get from Island A where they’re struggling with some problem (i.e. set of symptoms they don’t like) to Island B where they have the result they want (i.e. something they’re craving).

But if you can imagine that to left of Island A is another island. Island Z. But the catch is, it’s not a real island. It’s an imaginary island. It’s a fantasy. A fear. A phantom. But it feels so incredibly real. If you can imagine Island Z is in a thought bubble above the person sitting on Island A.

Island Z is where they’re secretly scared they’re going to end up if they do nothing.

These are fears like:

  • ‘If i don’t handle my dating life I’m going to end up old and alone.’
  • ‘If I approach that woman I’m attracted to she’ll think I’m a total creep and tell all her friends and everyone watching will laugh at me.’
  • ‘if I don’t keep my mind sharp I’m going to end up with alzheimers like my great grandparents.’
  • ‘I’m so scared that when I’m older there will be no one to look after me and I’ll end up a bag lady.’
  • ‘I don’t want to end up like my father.’
  • ‘If people knew I was struggling with this then __________ would happen.’
  • ‘If I admit that I’ve got these healthy symptoms then I might find out I have cancer like my father.’

These fears are rarely talked about, but they’re deeply real for people. These fears aren’t things you can be ‘known’ for but understanding them gives you an incredible empathy and sensitivity which will allow you to engage the other three more deeply and safely.

And many of us are, secretly, so scared we’re going to end up there.

I think it’s important to be aware of these fears. Because, sometimes, these fears are so profoundly deep and overwhelming that they can’t even acknowledge that they’re on Island A. They can’t even acknowledge that they have a problem because then they’d have to acknowledge the potential implications of that.

If’ I’m in my 70′s and starting to forget a lot of things, I might not tell anyone because if I do they might take away my driver’s license. They might want to do tests. They might tell me I have alzheimers. And I’d just rather not know.

Island Z can be so terrifying that it keeps us frozen in a holding pattern that’s not healthy for us. And it’s exhausting. We spend so much energy trying to avoid look at it.

When you begin a conversation around new and better possibilities for people, it can bring them face-to-face with their current reality and where that might lead.  It brings them face-to-face with the quality of life that they are currently settling for and where that might lead.  Most people know that more is possible — which makes it all the more painful to look at the level they have decided to live at.

This will bring up pain for people.  So, it’s important to realize the mechanisms that people have for dealing with pain.  In fact, these mechanisms are probably what caused them to settle in the first place.  Basically, there are…

6 Ways We Avoid Dealing with Pain:

1.    Denial: We try to pretend that it’s not there.  We pretend that it doesn’t hurt.  It’s like the old Aesop’s fable about the Fox trying to get the grapes.  He tries to trick the crow into dropping them but, when unsuccessful, walks away saying, “I didn’t want those grapes anyway.”

I have heard people describe denial by using it as an acronym for Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying.

We will go to amazing lengths to pretend we don’t have a problem.  Whether it’s as extreme as alcoholism, the state of our physical health or the state of our finances.  We sometimes seem to believe that if we don’t look at the problem it will simply go away.  Denial is the ostrich sticking its head in the sand.

2.    Sedatives and Numbing Out:  We use sedatives of “food”, alcohol, drugs etc. to lower our level of pain.  The use of any of these once a while, isn’t the issue.  The issue is that we use these as a consistent pattern.  But perhaps the worst drug of all is when people tell themselves “it’s okay”.  When we have attempted to create a result again and again and failed – we tend to give up.

When we try to handle our finances in countless ways and can’t seem to get it together we will either step up and take another cut the ball or we will step down and deal with our pain by saying, “it’s okay.  It’s not really that bad.”  

We will reinforce this by hanging around with a peer group that has equally low expectations of life.  This peer group will say things like, “Hey, don’t be so hard in yourself.  Quit working so hard.  Relax once a while.”  But the peer group is not really saying these things out of any sense of true caring for the person the because they don’t want to look at the fact that they are also in pain – and they don’t want to lose their friend.

3.    Rationalize And Tell Themselves Stories:  you can hear a rationalization a million miles away.  They almost always start with the words “Well it’s not like I…” or “At least I  . . .” (followed by the one strong standard they have).

We’ll say things like, “Sure I smoke once in awhile, but it’s not like I’m one of those people who smokes three packs a day.”  Or when looking at our finances, we’ll say, “Sure my finances are a mess but it’s not like I’m $100,000 in debt on credit cards.”  Or we’ll look at their romantic relationships and say, “Sure, it’s not the most fulfilling relationship in the world but it’s not like we’re fighting all the time and hate each other.”  

The easiest way to rationalize lowering our standards is to compare ourselves with people who have even lower standards.

4.    Justify:  We give our reasons:  “I mean I should do this but…” in whatever comes after that “but” is our “excuse” for not taking action.  So, at least we acknowledge that there is a problem, but the way we choose to deal with it is to prove to other people, and ourselves, why we can’t do anything about it.

5.    Using Softeners:  We say, “I’m big boned…” vs. “I’m fat”.  We say, “I’m having a few problems with my finances.”  As opposed to, “My personal finances are a disaster.”  We will use the language that softens the emotional impact — and so we will never ever connect with the pain that could actually drive them to create the change they want in our lives.  Until we face, and ultimately embrace, the pain they are currently experiencing we will never have the energy or motivation to create the level of change we want.

6.    We Blame: We make it someone else’s fault. It’s my ancestors, my family, my friends, my boss, the world, God, circumstance . . . anything but us. Then we get to feel like a victim and get some sympathy (which can feel nice). But nothing changes. All of our energy gets invested in trying to change things we can’t change.

This is different from seeing how one’s problem or fear is actually a symptom of a larger collective issue – e.g. perfectionism – which can be really freeing.

So how do you deal with these deep fears?

With a lot of love and empathy. Many entrepreneurs miss the empathy piece and end up with one the four client repelling traits I speak to in this blog post.

20 Non Empathic Responses to People’s Pain

a516700194 6003549 1998 Island Z: The Unspoken Fears Many of the following responses to people’s pain may seem empathic, until you’re at the receiving end of them. Give this a read and notice what responses people give you that don’t feel good – and notice which one you tend to give other people.

None of these will work to address the fears of Island Z or create any sense of safety. These are all borrowed from the very excellent book, Non Violent Communication

1. Advising: “I think you should . . “ “How come you didn’t?”

2. Analyzing: “Well, I think it’s clear the reason this happened is . . .”

3. Arguing: “That isn’t right at all. That isn’t how it happened.” “Boy. I really disagree with you on that.”

4. Commiserating: “That’s terrible. She had no right to do that to you.”

5. Condemning: “I need to call you on your racist shit.”

6. Consoling: “It wasn’t your fault; you did the best you could.” “Everything’s going to be okay.”

7. Correcting: “That’s not how it happened.” “It’s not really that hard.”

8. Criticizing: “You know what your problem is?” “Can’t you do anything right?”

9. Diagnosing: “This is happening because you’re so passive-aggressive.”, “You know, you really have a limiting pattern of always doing _____.”, “You know what your problem is?”

10. Educating: “This could turn into a very positive experience for you if you just . . .” “Well, in my experience, it was very different.” “I have a very different relationship to that.”

11. Evaluating: “If you hadn’t been so careless.”

12. Explaining: “I would have called but . . .” “I didn’t want to do it this way, but . . .”

13. Fixing: “What will help you is to . . .”

14. Interpretations: “I think he did that because . . .”

15. Interrogating: “When did this begin? What are you feeling?”

16. Lecturing: “It’s like I always say. . .” “How many times do I have to tell you?”

17. One-Upping: “That’s nothing: wait’ll you hear what happened to me.”

18. Shutting Down: “Cheer up. Don’t worry. Don’t feel so bad.”

19. Story-telling: “That reminds me of a time . . .” “Oh! That reminds me of this Tony Robbins seminar that I went to once. Tony said . . .”

20. Sympathizing: “Oh you poor thing.”

So, if those don’t work, how do you engage with it?

To be honest, I’m not 100% sure, but here are some initial thoughts . . .

Fifteen Ideas on Dealing with the Fear of Island Z:

  • safety: instead of pushing harder, we want come from a place of being gentler and sweeter. We can to make sure that we are as safe a space as possible. That might mean extreme confidentiality. Making sure they can engage with us in a way that no one else ever needs to know. The more safe they feel, the more they’ll be willing to face the truth.
  • empathy: if they can see that we really understand what they’re secretly scared of this goes a long way. I can’t recommend reading the book Non Violent Communication enough for this. The key is that we want to give empathy first for Island A. Just for the symptoms as they experience them. And, of course, part of the symptoms they experience are the fear of Island Z.
  • normalize the problem: we need to help them understand that they’re not alone. The more we can build the understanding that they’re not alone the better. The more they can see this as a widespread issue that many others share the better. We need to normalize the fear. We need it to not seem like it’s a weird thing to have that fear. As Tom Compton says, ‘the resistance to the disturbance is the disturbance.’ Sometimes the feeling that they shouldn’t be having that fear is actually a bigger issue than the fear itself. If you can share your own story of how it took you forever to deal with this and how clueless you were – this goes a long way.
  • normalize the solution: the more you can make it feel like, ‘hey, everyone is doing this’ the more likely they will be to do it as well. This often starts with identifying your hubs and enrolling them and getting them to spread the word for you. This is the kind of thing you might want to do in partnership with other people who are helping people on the same journey (and maybe with a similar boat even). It’s like a bunch of independent retailers getting together to promote a ‘shop local’ campaign. A core principle of community based social marketing is this: make it normal to do the right thing.
  • realistic statistics: we need to help them understand how realistic this fear is. The fear of a plane crash or being attacked by a shark is blown profoundly out of proportion. More people die in traffic accidents than plane crashes. More people die from pop machines than sharks. Let’s just get real here.
  • case studies of success: this is huge. If you can show them story after story of people who were on Island A and didn’t end up on Island Z but maybe on Island C it will do more than just about anything you can imagine. You can’t have too many stories and real life examples.
  • story telling: when there’s a lot of shame and fear around an issue, the traditional marketing approach of writing in the ‘you’ (e.g. ‘Are YOU struggling with money?’) might be a bit too direct. It might trigger shut down and defensiveness which could kill it way before it has a chance to begin. Try telling the story of a typical client (or a micro story) or the story of what it might be like to work with you. By telling a story (often in the third person) you give it a bit of psychological distance which allows people to read it and approach the story in their own time and find themselves in it in their own way. Remember, these fears are most often unspoken. So, for someone to read their fears laid out in a story (even your own story) can be a bit mind blowing (in a good way).
  • realistic honesty about limits of possibility: one of the best things I ever saw in marketing was from a poster about a holistic nutrition workshop. One of the bullet points said, ‘Come and learn the possibilities and the limitations of holistic nutrition’. Wow. That was so powerful. They were willing to admit to it having limitations. That realism built more credibility than any big claim. Instantly more trustworthy. When things seem ‘too good to be true’ they’re not trustworthy. Tell them what you can help them with and what you can’t. Tell them what you think is possible and what isn’t. Be real with them and they’ll melt into openness.
  • address the shame: the more people can understand that it’s not entirely their fault, that their are bigger systems at play that have helped create their problem and that it’s a normal human thing to go through… the more they’ll relax and open to letting it go. The shame of not having dealt with it yet can keep people from even looking at it and having to admit how bad it is. No shame. No blame. The more your presence can reassure and say, ‘hey, it’s okay’ the more they can begin to open to a new possibility.
  • show them a step by step plan: few things will inspire more confidence than you showing them a step by step plan on how you’re going to get them from Island A to Island B. It moves it away from just being you saying, ‘trust me’.
  • educate them about your point of view: go beyond showing them the plan. Show them WHY you came up with the plan you did. Help them understand not just the route you’re suggesting but the map itself. Help them understand the tides, the winds, the hidden rocks underwater. Help them understand why you’ve made the choices they did.
  • build a relationship over time until they’re ready: the importance of staying in touch over time and building trust by adding value can’t be overstated. Marketing is like baseball and you can’t skip bases.
  • help them see a bigger context: share your why. Share the bigger cause you see it all as a part of. Help them see that by taking the journey on their own, they’re making a contribution to a much wider movement. If they can see themselves as a part of a wider movement, they’re a lot less likely to give up – they’ll feel more accountable and more bolstered by others.
  • community: perhaps the most important of all – can you connect them with real people? It can be done virtually or in person. But can you help to become a hub and foster a wider sense of community?
  • be encouraging: life is so short. Too many people die with regrets (often the same five). Sometimes some old fashioned real talk and encouraging words to live our lives fully goes a long way – especially if all of these other pieces are in place.

resonance in marketing

noorish resonance in marketingI want you to think of your favourite cafe or restaurant in town. You know the one. You take all your friends there. They know you by first name. There is so much affection in you for it. It’s a place that resonates for you. You feel like you fit. I bet the first time you ever walked in – you felt like you were at home. ‘These,’ you thought. ‘Are my people.’

And I want to suggest that resonance comes from a few things – none of which are marketing tactics.

Simon Sinek hits this point home hard in his book Start With Why.

Typical manipulations include: dropping the price; running a promotion; using fear, peer pressure or aspirational messages; and promising innovation to influence behaviour – be it a purchase, a vote or support. When companies or organizations do not have a clear sense of why their customers are their customers, they tend to rely on a disproportionate number of manipulations to get what they need. It’s because manipulations work.

If fear motivates us to move away from something horrible, aspirational messages tempt us toward something desirable. Marketers often talk about the importance of being aspirational, offering someone something they desire to achieve and the ability to get their more easily with a particular product or service.

Six steps to a happier life!

Work those abs to your dream dress size!

In six short weeks you can be rich!

All these messages manipulate.

They tempt us with the things we want to have or to be the person we wish we were.

I cannot dispute that manipulations work.

Every one of them can indeed help influence behaviour and every one of them can help a company become quite succesful. But there are trade offs.

Not a single one of them breeds loyalty.

Over the course of time, they cost more and more. The gains are only short term. And they increase the level of stress for both the buyer and the seller. If you have exceptionally deep pockets or are looking to achieve only a short term gain with no consideration for the long term, then these strategies and tactics are perfect.

Beyond the business world, manipulations are the norm in politics today as well. Just as manipulations can drive a sale but not create loyalty, so too can they help a candidate get elected, but they don’t create a foundation for leadership. Leadership requires people to stick with you through thick and thin. Leadership is the ability to rally people not for a single event, but for years. [Manipulative] tactics win elections, but they do not seed loyalties among the voters.

In business, leadership means that customers will continue to support your company even when you slip up. If manipulation is the only strategy, what happens the next time a purchase decision is required. What happens after the election is won?

There is a big difference between repeat business and loyalty. Repeat business is when people do business with you multiple times. Loyalty is when people are willing to turn down a better product or a better price to continue doing business with you. Loyal customers don’t often bother to research to the competition or entertain other options. Loyalty is not easily won. Repeat business, however, is. All it takes is more manipulations.

Manipulations lead to transactions, not loyalty.

So, if manipulations don’t work, what does?

Resonance.

Marketing tactics are like the searchlight form of marketing – that people run away from.

Resonance is the lighthouse that draws the ships into safe harbour.

Resonance is when we express ourselves so beautifully and honestly that people can’t help but feel it. Resonance is when we focus more on the quality of the light our lighthouse is putting out and the brightness of it than who might be seeing it. Resonance is preparing your home so beautifully for guests. Resonance is when we follow up with someone, not because they’re an ‘excellent contact to add to our network’ but because they give our heart a pretty little hum when we’ve around them. Resonance is when we trust the universe is a friendly place.

Resonance comes when we can relax and be comfortable in our own skin.

 

“Stress is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”

- Chinese Proverb

 

And resonance comes from a number of things – here are the ones that come to mind most quickly . . .

  • a genuine, human vibe: people are, increasingly, running away from people who are posturing, pretending to be more together than they are, fake, phony, pretentious etc. They are drawn to people who are genuine, real, authentic and just plain honest. This doesn’t mean ‘granola’. It means that whatever you are – you embrace it fully. You open to the world as that. It’s like the line in Breakfast at Tiffany’s about Audrey Hepburn’s character, ‘she’s a phony. but she’s a real phony.’ It means we’re not doing what we’re doing to impress people, win approval or become something else. We’re just enjoying being us. We’re even embracing our own weaknesses. We’re okay with having needs – including the need to eat and live in this world – so we’re okay with needing to have some money. We’re okay with our clients supporting us – and we feel so grateful and amazed whenever it happens.
  • an unattached mindset: we give equal weight to ‘yes’ and ‘no’ from potential clients because we only want to work with people for whom it’s a fit and who want to work with us. If it’s not a fit, we bless and release. We don’t chase, we replace. We love people as they are – we’re not trying to change them. We’re not trying to get them to be anything they aren’t or to do anything they don’t want to do. We’re not pitching anything – we’re just sharing what we have with the world. We’re not trying to convince anyone of anything – we’re just sharing our truth and letting the world change if it wants to. We know that people will either love what we have or they won’t. We’re okay with either.
  • a crystal clear, unapologetic point of view:  we have know where we stand, we have an opinion, a take, a worldview, a diagnosis, a perspective on the way things oughta be. It’s clear to us and it’s clear to the market place. It’s not an ideology – but it’s a clear set of guiding principles and ideas and beliefs that guide our work and that people can count on. We have a clear map that people can understand of how we’ll be guiding them on their journey.
  • an inspiring ‘why’: people know why we’re doing what we’re doing. They get the deeper cause behind it for us. They know that we’re not in it for the money. They know the kind of world we dream of and are working towards. They see how everything in our little business is all wrapped around and expressing this core, beating heart of our business. We don’t see the market place as full of competitors – we see it as full of potential collaborators who are all working together (or could work together) towards something bigger. We’ve got no interest in being a leader of a movement – but we’re so deeply passionate about movement happening in the world.
  • a solid structure and container: we prepare our home to receive the guests. We make sure we’re ready for when they show up. We are craftsmen of our arts. Attention to details. Small things matter. We lay strong foundations for our business. This gives us a sense of pride. We’re excited to send people to our website. We can’t wait to show off our cafe. We know that the details are handled so we don’t fuss about them. We can relax. The container, we find. not only holds the potential client – it holds us too.
  • a good strategy: we are ready to have clients and now, instead of chasing them down, we make it easy and safe for them to find us. We make it risk free and easy for people to say yes to working with us. We pick marketing tactics and strategies that feel authentic and real to us and then we make sure we implement them in the most genuine ways possible. When we create a strategy that we know will work – we can relax. We know that we’ll get enough clients because we have a plan. And our plan is not only something that gets us clients – our marketing is actually an expression of our deeper cause and our point of view. Our marketing feels really genuine and easy. Our clients feel that and relax too.

Resonance is different than relevance. Relevance says, ‘yes – that can help me on the journey I’m on. That can help solve my problem. That could get me what I’m craving.’ But there are likely many, many options out there that are relevant to them. Why should they pick you? They will, at the end of the day, pick the one who most deeply resonates with them. 

Don’t you resonate with that idea?

See?

It works.

 

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wrapping your gifts

My HipstaPrint 01 wrapping your giftsMy friend Jenna and I were hanging out tonight having a crafts night. She brought everything you could imagine we’d need. She is far craftier than I.

So far, she’s made the most amazing card (see here).

And I wrapped two books (that I bought with a Greenwoods book gift certificate sent to me by a colleague of mine Julia Kious Zabell (thankyouthankyouthankyou).

As soon as I’d finished wrapping them, I felt so excited to give it to them.

But the gift hadn’t changed. It was still just two books.

But they meant more to me.

I was more excited to share them.

Just from putting some care and craftiness into how they were wrapped.

And it strikes me that it’s the same with our businesses.

My HipstaPrint 02 wrapping your giftsSometimes people are hesitant to put care into the ‘wrapping’. They’re hesitant to make their website beautiful, to get a beautiful headshot, to put more attention to the design of their products. That somehow it’s gross. That somehow it’s not honest. But the truth is, they’re a little embarrassed every time they give out their business card or brochure. They look at their posters hanging up at the organic grocery and silently wish it was better.

(note: she just finished a second sweet card. with cotton balls! amazing!)

Some people think wrapping is fake.

But tonight, do you know what I think it is?

I think it’s lovely.

My dear friend and colleague Carrie Klassen has likely been the most important influence in my business life around this simple lesson: beauty matters. Explore her website and you’ll see why I love her so much.

Be proud of what you offer. Dress it well. Treat your marketing like a special event – the kind it’s such a pleasure to dress up for. A wedding, a special birthday, a graduation, an anniversary. We dress up so we feel beautiful and to inspire those around us.

I’m not talking about synthetic, neon light beauty. I’m not talking about super models. I’m not talking about making something beautiful ‘so they’ll buy’.

I’m talking about candle light, hand made, vintage and craftiness. I’m talking poetry and crafting your words to be ‘just right’. I’m talking about setting up your workshop space so it feels warm and inviting. I’m talking about the beauty of art. I’m talking about making it just the way you want it so that it makes you proud – so that it radiates ‘youness’. I’m talking about weaving in your quirk and kinks.

As my dear friend Erica Ross (whose work embodies this so perfectly) says, “Making the conscious choice to slow down and beautify something or somewhere, in my view, is a sacred act of love and community.”

I think of the chef who not only makes amazing food but presents it ‘just so’ with so much care and attention put to the placement of things. I think of the tea ceremonies the exist around the world. It’s not just the tea, it’s the whole ritual of it – the presentation. I think of the improv comedy show I do every week in Edmonton and how we clean up the house after every show and sweep the stage. It’s not just the performance, it’s the whole experience. I think of a jazz band I once saw who dressed in tuxes and how the band leader acknowledged that tuxes on a jazz band might seem odd, ‘but’ he said. ‘I think it has a little something to do with respect.’

I’ve performed close up, sleight of hand card magic since I was 12. I love it so much. And, as I grew up, I began to see how much bad magic there was in the world. Actually, I should correct myself . . . how many bad performances there were. So much terrible patter and awkward people doing magic tricks. So much rushing through the show and not letting the moments sink in. So much trying to impress people with technique rather than charming them with a performance. In 1943, Dariel Fitzkee wrote his masterpiece in the world of magic Showmanship for Magicians. He pointed out that being ‘technically’ proficient (even brilliant) in sleight of hand wasn’t the point. The point was the show. The performance. That the magic lived in the mind of the audience, not the hands of the magician. The best modern example of this is Derren Brown.

I’m suggesting that what you find beautiful is something that others might just find beautiful too. And that if you really get honest with yourself and take the time to make it beautiful (for you) that you’ll be a lot more excited to share it.

life without art is stupid 83101 500 345 wrapping your giftsJohn O’Donohue puts it so well in his book Beauty: The Invisible Embrace. Beauty is a human need, it’s not a luxury. Beauty is not the domain of the obscenely wealthy. It’s something we need to reclaim in our lives. Beauty isn’t something that we earn enough money to one day acquire. It’s something that we weave into our lives every day in the simplest of ways. And then we realize that a life full of beauty is wealth.

We’re reminded that it’s not all about listing features and benefits. It’s not all about the facts.

“There is a relentless search for the factual and this quest often lacks warmth or reverence … The wisdom of the tradition reminds us that if we choose to journey on the path of truth, it then becomes a sacred duty to walk hand in hand with beauty.” - John O’Donohue

My HipstaPrint 03 wrapping your giftsWhen you take the time to not only create something beautiful but then wrap your work in genuine beauty, you’ll be so much more proud of it and excited to share it. I used to love my old website. Then I began to like it less and less. I just wasn’t proud of it anymore. People would ask me, ‘do you have a website?’ and I’d say, ‘yeah, but . . . let me just email you.’ Anything to avoid sending them to my site. I was embarrassed by it.

And then a dear friend of mine Jaime Almond helped me create this site. She designed the banner for me. She showed me how to use the site. It was incredible. Suddenly, I was so proud of my site. Suddenly, I wanted everyone to check out my Marketing for Hippies site. Now, nothing had changed in me. Nothing had changed in the services I offered. I’d not learned anything new in marketing. Nothing had changed – except the wrapping. And I was shocked to see what a difference it made in my own enthusiasm for my own business.

And, consider this, if wrapping things so beautifully has you more excited to share them, don’t you think it might have your clients a bit more excited to share what you’re offering, now that it really looks like a gift? It always was a gift, but now people recognize it as such.

I think perhaps we stop too soon in our creations. We make wonderful things and then forget to wrap them. Or we get too lazy.

Back in the day, when I was hanging out with anarchists and protesting the IMF and World Bank and wearing my jeans and shirts til they were threadbare and tattered, I had a real judgment of fashion, aesthetics and beauty. But, I’ve come to appreciate it. That the way we carry and groom ourselves is a gift to the world too. That our words and actions can be a part of what feeds the soul of the world with beauty.

That there is a beauty in self care.

There is a beauty in the gift and a joy in the wrapping.

A colleague of mine Katie Curtin, a wonderful life coach for the artsy and eclectic souls of the world, shared these words with me,

Putting love, and care and creativity into how we present ourselves, whether it’s in our personal appearance, or the materials we create makes an exquisite difference to how we feel about ourselves and our offerings. 

And it’s not about the expense, or being perfect, or being slick- it’s about truthful beauty, the art of expressing oneself through all the ways we interact with the world.

I am terribly imperfect at this, and like you for a long time had an attachment to old jeans and sloppy clothes as a sign of being a rebel. And how often have I not taken the time to wrap things as artfully as I could.  Thanks for this reminder of the importance of how we wrap things !

Sometimes people think the wrapping is unethical.

But tonight, do you know what I think it is?

I think it’s lovely.

 

My HipstaPrint 0 wrapping your gifts

island c: the unimagined possibility

telescope island c: the unimagined possibilityThis blog is about the importance of seeing further.

About the things we know are possible for our clients that they might only have inklings of for themselves.

If you’ve followed my work at all you know all about my metaphor of the journey from island A to island B. You can watch a video about it here.

I wrote about it in a recent blog post about figuring out your platform.

Imagine a young man on an island (which we’ll call Island A). It’s not that great a place to be. But, it’s all he knows, so he goes about his days. Then he starts hearing that his is not the only island in the world. That there are other islands. At first he doesn’t believe it, but the more he visits the docks and meets these visitors the clearer it becomes. It’s true. And then, one day, he hears about a particular island (which we’ll call Island B). And his heart leaps. He wants to go there.

Of course, he needs to get a boat to go there.

But there are so many boats to hire! Which one to choose?

Your business is a boat. It helps people like this young man get from Island A where they’re struggling with some problem (i.e. set of symptoms they don’t like) to Island B where they have the result they want (i.e. something they’re craving).

But I’ve recently realized that there is something beyond Island B.

For simplicity sake, let’s call it Island C.

If Island A is the pain they’re in now and Island B is where they want to get to, then Island C is what we know is possible for them that’s even beyond Island B.

There’s the pain they feel. There’s the thing they’re craving, but the thing they’re craving only goes to the limits of their imagination. Our cravings take us to the end of what we know but no farther.

“The greatest personal limitation is to be found not in the things you want to do and can’t, but in the things you’ve never considered doing.” - Dr. Richard Bandler (Father of NLP)

Generic Examples . . .

Island A: I’m lonely. Island B: I want to date someone. Island C: we fall in love and say, ‘I never knew I could feel this way.’

Island A: I’m sick. Island B: I want to be healthy. Island C: we cleanse, do yoga, start juicing and say, ‘I never knew I could feel this way.’

Island A: I’m broke. Island B: I want to to be able to pay my bills on time and have money left over. Island C: we do the work needed to handle our money and say, ‘I never imagined I could feel so at peace and proud in my relationship to money.’

Island A: I’m full of angst and depression. Island B: I want to feel good again. Island C: we get deep into our personal healing work and one day wake up saying, ‘I feel so beautiful and light. I feel so at peace.’

Island C is what might be possible in the life of ONE person that they hadn’t previously considered. This i different than the bigger cause we imagine which is what we envision for our whole community or the world (though they are likely connected).

Island C is the place you got to in your life that you never dreamed possible before. But now you’re here! Amazing.

Island B is a promise. Island C is a possibility.

Island B is the result they imagine, it’s what they’re craving to the extent they can articulate it.

Island C goes beyond this into articulating their most deeply felt inklings. It offers up the hope and the possibility that it could be even better than they craved it to be.

Real Life Examples:

Claudia Bolli from Edmonton imagines yards not just as things to be landscaped (Island B) but sees the possibility in them to become sanctuaries for people. It’s a vision most people wouldn’t hold for their yards.

The world of permaculture looks at dessertified and salty soil and sees the potential for an oasis.

 

 

The Authentic Man Program is San Francisco sees beyond the possibility of ‘better communication’ with women or skills to ‘pick them up’ to the deeper possibility of authentic relating and seeing our interactions with others as a path of spiritual growth. They lift up the possibility of a level of realness and authenticity in relating with women that most men would never even consider.

My colleague Ari Galper works with a lot of sales people who are (secretly) terrified of cold calling (Island A) and their best hope is to learn some tools to make it less painful, or to have ways to pump themselves up to make it through it or some better ‘closing techniques’ so they can make more money (Island B). But the assumption is that it’s doomed to be painful. Ari lifts up the possibility that cold calls can not only be effective but feel wonderful and respectful for both sides.

In October of 2011, I met Jon and his wife Peggy at Pun Pun (and organic farm and sustainability center) in Thailand. While most people living in the city (and hating it) dream of maybe making more money in their job and having life be a bit less hard – Jon has the notion that more possible – life can be easy.

Many people struggle with type II diabetes (Island A) and they hope to live a normal life (Island B). Gabriel Cousens had created a protocol that might his entirely heal it through nutrition (Island C). Healing or curing Type II Diabetes is just not even on the radar of most people who struggle with it.

Most non-profits struggle with funding. They scrape by, get money from government, foundations and corporations and it’s stressful to deal with the politics, red tape and lack of money (Island A). They would love to get a bit more time to get all those funding proposals in and host a few really sweet fundraising events. Terry Axelrod of Benevon proposes something a bit different: the possibility forever ending the chasing for funding by creating a system for individual giving campaigns that works so seamlessly that it’s never, ever and issue again. Your mission could be not just ‘better’ funded – but fully funded.

Most people work at a job that isn’t really their thing (Island A) and dream of one day retiring and doing what they really want to do. Work hard, retire, have an amazing lifestyle (Island B). Alex Baisley suggests that you might actually be able to have your dream lifestyle much sooner than you’d think. He suggests that if you start with your ideas for an amazing lifestyle you can then back your business and projects into that and start living your dream lifestyle right now rather than down the road when you’re 65. Even further he points out that you might just make more money doing the things you love to do and living the lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of living.

Mark Silver suggests that every act of business can be an act of love.

Edmonton’s The Chocolate Doctors suggest that chocolate can be not only a guilty pleasure but a healthful one when it’s made raw.

Lynne Twist sees fundraising not as the shitty job to be avoided in the world of fundraising but as one of the most beautiful and sacred jobs one can perform – a job that actually be a part of healing the world (not just a job to fund the work that heals it).

Challenge Day sees bullying not as something we should just cope with but something that can be transformed. They believe high school can be more than tolerable but actually a beautiful experience.

A man I met in Calgary worked with men who’d been devastated by divorce. Most of them would hope for things to be neutral – but he believed you could actually create a better relationship with your ex than you had when you were together (whether or not you ever got back together).

Whereas many activist men carry shame for being a man (Island A) and their dream is to be a better ally to women (Island B) David Hatfield offers a deeper and richer possibility – that we can not only support our sisters, but that brotherhood is a constant possibility. That being a man is something to be celebrated not something to be ashamed of.

TED talks are full of people sharing possibilities you’d never even imagined before. We leave watching a TED Talk uplifted and inspired. Full of hope for what’s possible. We’ve seen something new in the world.

So many people suffer emotionally (Island A). Byron Katie has the point of view that our suffering comes from our thoughts. And that when we question them we can not only cope – but that we can really truly be at peace and live in the moment.

Many progressive white people feel guilty about being white (Island A). Martin Prechtel suggests that there is an indigenous heart of humanity and that it is possible of reclaim it. Even for white people.

Island C is your provocative proposition – your potentially outrageous idea of what might be possible in the life of a single person (e.g. that marketing can be done in a way that doesn’t feel gross, that you can parent without being too permissive or too authoritarian, that you might be able to heal your depression without drugs etc.)

Martin Luther King Jr. wasn’t just working for the end of racism (a large enough goal) but the creation of the beloved community. His vision was about a culture – not an individual – but it’s the spirit of it. He saw further.

 

 

Sometimes all people know is that they are craving relief from Island A. Relief from their pain. Sometimes it’s really hard to see beyond that.

Island C is the thing people might have inklings of but would never imagine. It’s not on the menu to order. It’s the new wonderful idea that we bring into the world. A tiny thread reweaving the world into wholeness. And isn’t that a wonderful idea, that you bring not just a new person but (at least one) new possibility into the world with you. A possibility people may never have considered before. A possibility you are able to share because you’ve lived it into being.

People only know the solutions they know. They don’t know what else is available. They yearn for more but can only fit that into what they experience or know of.

But you see further than they’re able to.

I wrote a week ago in a blog post (paraphrasing something I’d heard Caroline Casey say),

When your community looks into the mirror that reflects the current world’s woes and feel such despair and overwhelm from it – we wave our hands and the mirror becomes a window through which they can see what’s possible. And, with another wave, that window becomes a door and we invite them through.

We’re telling people a new story about their lives that they’ve never heard before – or not heard for a long time. The true stories of what is possible. Of what we can be.

We call the new world into being with the eloquence of our words and our living.

Caroline Casey says it so well,

“Better to create prophecy than to live prediction. What makes us passive is toxic. What makes us active is tonic. This is the difference between predictions, which make us passive, and prophecy, which is active co-creation with the divine.”

How to Figure Out Your Island C:

Try answering these questions and see what comes up for you.

  • What do you know is possible that most people don’t?
  • What’s the secret you know?
  • What is the possibility you want to wake up in the heart of the world?
  • What is a result or reality you currently enjoy in your life or in your projects that most people would never even imagine is possible?
  • Thinking of your potential clients, complete this sentence, ‘you might be intrigued by the possibility of . . .’
  • Most of my clients want __________ but they don’t realize they could have __________.

Considerations and Caveats:

Island C could become the land of hype and false promises. It can become the land of shattered dreams. Don’t do that to people. Don’t offer up something you haven’t personally experienced. Don’t tell them you can guide them to the mountain top when you’ve only ever been half way (and no one else has never made it).

It’s important to speak both to the possibility and the limitations; the opportunities and the challenges. The beauty of the promised land and all the work it takes to get there.