louis c.k. hates twitter

Everyone will tell you that you need to get on social media. Except Louis C.K.

And maybe he has a point.

You can click here to watch.

(This is super funny.)

how to make a restaurant insanely popular

 

for more brilliance like this – visit: www.theoatmeal.com

 

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the best kijiji ad ever?

This is a super funny example of being really clear on your ideal client and not settling for anything else.

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1998 Subaru Impreza Wagon

OK, let me start off by saying this Impreza is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Subaru would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

 

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Bed Bath and Beyond. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. This car has been to hell and back, twice, and has the scars to prove it. So if you can’t handle being seen behind the wheel of this biblical, fire breathing, dragon slaying, nazi killing hero because it has a few purle hearts, move on.

This wagon was engineered by 3rd degree ninja pirate super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 137 HP engine to outrun the cops and a 5 speed tranmission so you know grandma wont be taking off with it when your not looking. It’s saved my bacon more than once. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $2000 but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $500 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There’s only 183 000 km’s on this all-wheel drive hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then reply to this ad. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my lady, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

It passed its last e-test and safety with flying colours but is being sold as-is.

God bless

 

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Want Help? If you’d like some more direct guidance and hand holding on figuring out your niche then go and check out my Niching for Hippies coaching program http://marketingforhippies.com/niching-for-hippies/

 

 

tad hargrave is in a funny youtube video

Nothing to do with marketing yourself – but I’m in a funny youtube video. Click here or watch below.

 

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is it local?

 

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7 Honest Restaurant Signs

Truth in marketing from College Humour

 

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The Lifestyle Trap

pic 1: "I hate driving ... but I need a car to go to work." pic 2: "I hate my job ... but I need it to pay off my car."

 

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Understanding Marketing Through Sex

This is a funny and slightly crass post I came across a while ago.

People often have troubles understanding the terminology related to the various kinds of marketing. Here’s my summary for you…

You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl/guy. You have one of your friends’ approach them, point at you and say, “She’s/He’s fantastic in bed.”

That’s Advertising.

You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them to get their telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. You get up, straighten your clothes, walk up and pour them a drink. You open the door, pick up their bag after it drops, offer them a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. They walk up to you and say, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

That’s Brand Recognition.

Author anonymous. Ironically.

 

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The American Tourist and Mexican Fisherman

I love this piece. The author is unknown. But it reminds me of the good work of my friend Alex Baisley from Guelph, Ontario. What is it that we are working so hard for? Are we committed to standard of living or quality of life? This is one of my favourite little stories.

An American tourist was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The tourist complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”

The tourist then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?”

The Mexican said, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.”

The tourist then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.”

The tourist scoffed, ” I can help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You could leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you could run your ever-expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

The tourist replied, “15 to 20 years.”

“But what then?” asked the Mexican.

The tourist laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions?…Then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.

 

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Ninja Bear: The New Purple Cow

Years ago, Seth Godin wrote a book called ‘Purple Cow‘ all about how to be remarkable. The idea came from a drive through France where he saw all these dairy cows as they drove through the country side. At first this was novel and exciting. But soon it lost its lustre. Ah! But if there was a purple cow. That would be exciting again. As Seth points out . . .

Marketing involves spending money and it’s fraught with the fear of failure (because it often doesn’t work).

This mix creates the perfect opportunity to play it safe and to follow the leader.

Jumping on the brandwagon, if you must coin a phrase.

Here’s the thing: while the second imitator might make it pay, the third, the fourth, the tenth–not so much. The more you try to fit in, the worse you do. The more you rush to follow the leader, the less likely you will be to catch up.

This is central to word of mouth in marketing. Is what you’re offering remarkable? Is it unique? Is it different?

Sometime what we are offering was novel for a time – but isn’t anymore. This is a ball you’ve got to keep your eyes on.

How do you do make yourself remarkable?

Simple: look at what everyone else does and do something better. Look at the industry norms and wonder why the industry does it that way. Often it’s for no damn good reason at all. Where things are good, could you tweak or twist them to make them better? Or could you do something entirely new with it?

This is a fun example. Bears are cool. So cool that I now enlist cartoon bears to teach people about marketing. But you’ve all seen bears. Everyone has. Aha! But have you seen a bear do ninja tricks with a stick? I didn’t think so.

 

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